Loving Oneness Now
Koan looked around his large living room at the circle of guests he had invited.
His friends, Sean Waverley, the scientist, and Tel Apex, who had arrived earlier
that evening, had commandeered the two big armchairs. Senator Rob Ringly and his
wife, Dr. Mary Ringly, shared the long sofa with Joan Cubero, while Cloesha and
Frank Ovalton sat on dining chairs brought in for the purpose. Elizabeth Archer
and her daughter, Alicia, were sitting cross-legged on two, fat, floor cushions.
Gordon, himself, also sat on a dining room chair between Elizabeth and Alicia
who were twisting their necks to look up at him as he was speaking. First he
introduced everybody by name and occupation, then he continued…
as I said to each of you either on the phone, or at our initial interview, this
is not a therapy group, and there is no charge. You are all sane,
mature people——apart from being human that is.” Gordon gave a little
chuckle to indicate this last statement was a gentle joke. No one laughed so he
cleared his throat and resumed. “What we are here for is to find answers,
and each of you has agreed, one way or another, to participate in and contribute
to that purpose. Some of you, quite recently, have had psychic experiences, and
I have already reassured you when I first saw you that these kinds of events are
much more common than you think. Most of the population have had some
kind of psychic experience during their lives, and that is true historically,
too. Each of you has agreed to be relatively open and honest even about intimate
matters such as sex, not normally shared with others. I do appreciate your
courage, and each of you has one or more specific ‘roles’ to play in
facilitating our discussions. For example, Sean can contribute from his
scientific knowledge, Alicia can tell us the viewpoint of her generation, while
Cloesha gives us her wise input on education and everyday family relationships.
Rob, I would like you to act as an informal referee just to keep us on track in
case we ramble on too much or become sarcastic or very unreasonable. Argument is
fine, but not abuse. Okay? Now, any
in the group started to speak at the same time so Rob held up his hands and then
pointed to Elizabeth. “You go first, Elizabeth.” Like the competent senator
he was he had already memorized everyone’s name.
is your part in all this, Gordon?” asked Elizabeth. “I was directed to see
you by this strange entity, Spirad, and I like the idea of this group, but what
will you contribute?”
for the last decade or so I have been in a private practice in which I have used
a combination of parapsychological ideas, hypnotherapy and psychospiritual
knowledge to help my clients. That’s quite a mouthful so let me hasten on to
say that through their minds I have gained some insights into the wider realms
and levels of existence that several of you have begun to experience personally,
and in which all of you have expressed an interest. Anyway, my job here will be
to provide you with psychospiritual insights or information if I can, whenever I
am asked. I hope others of you will also make similar spiritual contributions
when you are moved to do so. These Wednesday evening meetings are intended to be
discussion groups, so all of you
should contribute freely without hiding your lights under the proverbial
bushels. Elizabeth, perhaps you would like to start by relating your own
experience with Spirad.”
I’ll take the first turn. Now I’m not a believer in ghosts and I have always
thought anyone who heard voices was nuts, so when I was sitting at my computer
in a dozy state and this voice in my head began to speak I freaked out, and then
….” Elizabeth went on to recount her whole experience with Spirad, ending
the story with an account of how Alicia also became involved.
Elizabeth continued, “if any of you have had similar experiences please let me
know because I need support and reassurance that I’m okay.”
Ringly, the pediatrician spoke up. “I don’t know about actually hearing
voices, Elizabeth, but sometimes before I examine a child, I know intuitively
exactly what his illness or disorder is. I know
someone like your Spirad is giving me the information because, usually when this
happens I haven’t even seen the child. I only know the child’s name!”
Everyone in the room looked at her, surprised that a physician would admit to
having this psychic faculty.
pleased, Mary, that you have that gift and you probably know how best to heal
the sick child, too,” said Gordon. “Many healers, physicians, nurses and lay
people, have attested to receiving help of one kind or another from psychic
sources, and there is more and more research evidence for such psychic
assistance, including successful diagnoses and healings. Every few weeks new
books appear citing concrete statistical evidence, some of it from double-blind
studies, for ‘mind-over-matter’ healings and so on. If you like I will give
you a book list but any modern bookstore carries them or will order them for
Waverley was dubious. “There are always equally valid alternative explanations
for these so-called healing phenomena, Gordon, and the research designs and
statistics in these paranormal researches are mostly pretty crummy.”
are right and what you say goes for all
science, Sean. As you know I’m a highly trained social scientist and research
statistician. But just show me any
research project that has ever been done in any
science and I will shoot holes through it and I’m not talking about ‘crummy’ or ‘sloppy’ scientific research
but high quality stuff. And all I am suggesting here is that identical standards of scientific research and the acceptance of the findings be applied all around to physics, to
biology, as well as, to psychology and parapsychology. No more double standards
please! If you have an alternative hypothesis or explanation, prove it with
hard, unequivocal, scientific, research evidence, don’t just talk about it.
The history of orthodox science during the last 150 years is littered with
now-proven major hypotheses which were initially rejected off the cuff by most scientists in that particular field.
Very few say, ‘That’s an interesting idea. Let’s wait before passing
judgment and help see if it is proven correct.’ Even I can remember when plate
tectonics theories were universally laughed
at and when catastrophic causes were derided in evolution.”
are on a roll, my friend,” grinned Sean who took attack all in good part.
“Much of what you say, I cannot deny, but some of us scientists feel we have a
‘moral’ obligation to stop humanity sliding back into the irrational dark
ages of demons, hauntings, faith healers and spiritualist mediums. We see
science as the light which will sweep away this dark, superstitious nonsense.”
arrogance!” Gordon retorted. “Most of those researchers out there
investigating paranormal phenomena of all kinds have PhDs, MDs and other higher
degrees and many work, or have worked, in major universities and institutes of
higher learning, or for reputable organizations like NASA. Some scientists who
are Nobel Laureates have openly espoused pure consciousness concepts of one kind
or another. The vast majority of us in this work are open-minded,
scientifically-oriented, learned men and women who are in every way the
intellectual peers of those fundamentalist
scientists who see themselves as the saviors of humankind.”
there, Gordon! You are on a roll.”
Sean was no longer grinning. “Am I one of these fundamentalist scientists you just mentioned?”
you can decide that, but I will give
you the criteria, and please note, these criteria are not derogatory because I am only repeating what they themselves say
they believe. A fundamentalist scientist is one who (a) fundamentally believes that all phenomena in the universe (or in
universes) are only physical in
nature, that is, all phenomena consist only of atomic matter or particles or
radiation or other ‘stuff’ all of which is theoretically transmutable into
energy or zero-energy, (b) he fundamentally
believes that all mental and
psychological phenomena of any kind
(including his own) are merely ‘epiphenomena’
arising from electrical or other energy circuits in the central nervous system
including the brain——which in turn can be influenced by other biological
inputs such as hormones, chemical messengers, etc., (c) he fundamentally believes
that some form of Darwinian or neo-Darwinian evolution is the sole
‘cause’ of life in the universe(s), that this life is passed on to new
generations only through some kind of genetic DNA/RNA and that all
mutations occur through a combination of random chance events (like radiation)
plus natural selection and adaption processes of one type or another, (d) he fundamentally
believes that there can be no
teleological or final causes, or future goals or purposes anywhere in the
universe(s) except those which occur in the narrowest biological sense of
adaption to a localized niche, and even then
the ‘goal’ is, of course, the resultant outcome of multifarious physical,
chemical and biological processes and the like which chaos theory, mathematics
and the ever-expanding body of established scientific knowledge can, or will,
explain, (e) he fundamentally believes
that any (neuropsychological, of course) concepts of God, mind-as-such, or other
non-physical realms of existence, consciousness, life, or being, are
outside the pale of legitimate science, and privately he usually considers them
meaningless ideas at best, and (f) he fundamentally
believes that any phenomenon or event
which contradicts the current body of standard, orthodox, scientific or medical
knowledge is always, I emphasize always,
due to a hoax, sleight-of-hand, stage-magic, trickery, fraud, delusions,
hallucinations, mass hysteria, psychological suggestion, hypnosis, coincidental
happenstance, distorted or mistaken perception, spontaneous remission, random
chance, or denial that the event ever occurred.”
was staring at Gordon with open admiration. “You certainly have memorized all
that off to a ‘T’, old chap, but under those definitions of yours I am not
a fundamentalist scientist. How would you classify fence-sitters,
waiters-and-seers, and we-lack-enough-information scientists, because that’s
more my style.”
Sean, no problem. But if you place yourself in that category then do not voice an opinion of outright denial about
paranormal or parapsychological phenomena nor comment negatively about the
legitimacy of those who investigate them, particularly in terms of the last
(‘f’) category I mentioned. Of course there are hoaxes, frauds, distorted
perceptions, etc., in all branches of
science, but we should not harp on them endlessly nor generalize from them to all other
bone fide scientific endeavors. Because the Piltdown man was a hoax which duped
the scientific community for 40 years I do not go around saying Lucy is a fake
or that almost all paleontology is trickery, or that paleontologists are
deluded, even though their knowledge is still fragmentary and will be so until
many more fossil finds are made, interpreted and accurately dated. We
parapsychologists are in a similar position but we, too, possess some solid evidence and we will
find more. Like the paleontologists our theories will be modified and our ideas
will expand as more solid evidence is
forthcoming. Meanwhile let us get on with our explorations without
fundamentalist pre-judgments based on belief
systems which deny that our
operational areas of investigation even exist.
We scientists have to synthesize all
knowledge wherever it exists——especially if it is being investigated by a
large number of sane, legitimate, equally well educated peers. Also, just let me add and emphasize I am all for orthodox science and that I have read Science
News avidly and regularly for twenty years. And now I will shut up and let
others of you comment on Elizabeth’s Spirad.”
group were all silent for half-a-minute until Frank Ovalton spoke somewhat
hesitantly. “I, for one, have had an open mind about most paranormal
happenings although I was not much interested in them until I had this conscious
vision in my own backyard. Cloesha and I would like to tell you all about it
because I think, in a way, it adds another dimension to Elizabeth’s experience
with Spirad. Shall I go on?” Frank looked around for confirmation, and seeing
them nod, decided to continue his story.
want you to realize right from the outset that I have never had any interest in
reincarnation. We go to a rather liberal Presbyterian Church and we believe in
God and Jesus but we believe the Bible was written by men some of whom were
spiritually inspired while others were not. Also, I had known nothing about the
Maoris except that I thought the term applied to all the Islanders of the
Pacific until I just found out it applies only to the native Polynesians of New
Zealand. One Saturday afternoon after lunch while the family were at a soccer
match, I was sitting in my lounge chair fully conscious when this old, tattooed
Maori priest or tohunga appeared on my
lawn. He was wrapped in a feather cloak and he beckoned me to follow him and the
next thing I knew was we were flying out over the Pacific, but I want you to
know I was still fully conscious.”
went on to tell, in considerable detail, of his whole experience as Hinemoa and
of her love for Tutanekai. The group were enthralled by this romantic story of
two lovers who, centuries before, had lived in the South Pacific land of
Aotearoa. As Frank wound up his tale, Cloesha was about to add her more factual
information and comments when Alicia chipped in.
so..o..o neat, Frank. I love
it, and I wish we could all be so
romantically open and sexually explicit in modern-day America! Anyway, why
is something that is so natural, creative and as universal as sex considered a
‘sin’? I’m told even the original Puritans
were much freer than we are! Hey, when
I’m at the beach I hate wearing even my thong bikini!”
Ringly intervened. “I’m sorry, Alicia, but that’s another topic, perhaps
for future consideration. For now, we must let Cloesha tell us her part in
Frank’s ...er… drama.”
then explained how on the World Wide Web from other sources she had corroborated
every detail of Frank’s story even down to the Maori language and New Zealand
does sound like a past life to me,” murmured Joan Cubero from the center of
the sofa. “Out of curiosity several years ago I read several books written by
Dr. Ian Stevenson who was then Carlton Professor of Psychiatry at the University
of Virginia. Physically and geographically he checked out the cases of about 20 children
who claimed to remember a previous incarnation and found their claims to be
accurate. We need to fund a lot more research like that.”
agree,” said Gordon, “In the literature there are quite a few very well
documented accounts like Frank’s, of historically verified past lives, which were carried out by legitimate
psychiatrists, psychologists and psychotherapists. These are individual cases,
but Dr. Helen Wambach looked at both the gender patterns and the remembered
details of historical data and artifacts from over 1,000 people she regressed to
past lives using hypnosis. The data, artifacts, beliefs and racial distribution
corresponded exactly with historical
records and 2,000 years of population growth proportions. For example, she found
that in their past lives, collectively speaking, 49.4 percent were females and
50.6 percent were males which exactly matches the actual proportions of
biological gender. Could 1,000 people in groups under hypnosis at different
times over ten years be colluding in this result? But surely this preliminary
evidence of Stevenson, Wambach and others warrants a wider, intensive research
investigation. Incidentally, Ian Stevenson began his work in reincarnation
because he decided that modern theories of mental illness, including
psychoanalysis and infancy trauma, could not account for all
the symptoms, behaviors and ideation of his psychiatric patients——there had
to be another reason as well.”
Rob Ringly stepped in before another person could speak. “Gordon, it’s
getting late and some of us need our beauty sleep. It is all very enlightening
but can we save the rest for next week?”
I’ll second that. I’m tired, too. So, shall we have a five-minute, silent
meditation before we break up——all agree?” After the short meditation
Gordon said, “Tel, we will hear all about your Light experience next
Wednesday, so all of you please be here again at 7 PM.”
the way home in car, Elizabeth could not restrain herself from bringing up her
daughter’s remarks at the meeting.
you think it’s a good idea to reveal your innermost secrets to the group,
Alicia? I mean, they are strangers.”
Mom! Come on! We all agreed to be open and honest, and when Frank told us about
Hinemoa’s nakedness and sexual freedom I said to myself, ‘I’m with you,
Hinemoa——all I need’s the tiki!’”
know I’m not a prude, Alicia. I have never hidden my body from you and we
skinny dip in the pool or whirlpool sometimes, but we don’t have to tell the
world our innermost private thoughts.”
told the group all about Spirad, Mom. Okay! I won’t tell the world,
but can we agree it’s all right to be frank and open with these people? After all, that is why we are there!”
fine. You’re making me realize that most of my generation is hypocritical. We
are highly sexual and explicit in our private lives, sometimes even with very
close friends, but in public and politically we maintain a goody-good, virtuous
posture which is fake. You’re teaching me not
to be hypocritical, Alicia, so I’ll try to be more up-front in our
relationship from here on out, okay?”
are really cool, Mom! Say, did you like that handsome, Greek hunk, Tel?”
almost ran the car onto the curb. “Tel? But he’s much too old for you,
me, Mom, you! I think he would make me
a nice, surrogate father. Invite him to dinner next time!”
he does look like a Greek god, though from his accent he sounds American born.
Very intelligent, too. I like him, and he did
look at me a lot.”
Dinner it is! And what a decoration for the hot tub, Mom!”
Slow down now. Let’s see if he is a free man first. He may think I’m too
You look 29, Mom. Don’t tell him your age until you’ve been to bed several
who’s not being honest, my child? Anyway, you’ve got us into bed even before
we know anything about him. Slow down——one step at a time.”
showed up for the next meeting and, as humans tend to do, sat in the same
places. When Elizabeth saw Tel she registered, as an artist of course, that he
did look like a Greek god or a discus thrower perhaps. Then she graced him with
a bright smile——which Alicia noted with satisfaction.
Koan reintroduced everybody and then suggested that each person give a thumbnail
sketch of his or her background, work and personal interests. When Tel spoke
Elizabeth and Alicia were happy to hear he was not only unattached but that he
lived in the same suburb, actually the town of Rockville. Gordon next asked Tel
if he would describe his “white light” experience to the group so they could
not all that much to tell you. One evening I had been working half-heartedly on
the philosophical problems inherent in the God-concept when I decided to pack it
in and sleep on it. As I lay in bed my body became kind of numb and then a white
light began to glow and grow in intensity throughout the room. It was inside my
mind as well as outside as if I was light and everything else was light. Then
that diffused light became so bright that everything else disappeared, but my
eyes did not hurt and I felt no pain. On the contrary I felt very calm, you
might say, light-headed! This intense all-pervasive light flooded me and my room
for an hour or so, but it slowly faded for the last half hour. Before I fell
asleep I had an intuition that the light was some kind of answer to my request
for clarification on the God-paradoxes I had been wrestling with recently. What
do you all think?”
Ringly suggested they each voice an opinion in turn beginning with Joan who was
sitting next to him.
afraid I’m in the dark about the light,” she said. “Except professionally,
I seem to have been in the dark all my life. I’m the original ‘good’
person that ‘bad’ things happen to. So I’ll have to pass on this one …
your turn, Mary.”
Mary Ringly laughed. “What did you eat for supper, Tel, mescaline? It sounds
much like a psychedelic experience of the sixties or seventies. Frankly I
can’t think of any medical precedent for this other than hallucinogens or the
zigzag visual lights that accompany some migraines. Your turn, Alicia.”
awesome, Tel! I think God was
answering you with His Light. What else could it be? What do you think,
wait until the rest of you have spoken——Elizabeth?”
could ask Spirad what Tel’s experience means. He would know, but I don’t.
Can you get me into a channeling state, Gordon?”
but not now. If you like we could do that at another meeting sometime. Sean, as
a scientist, what is your opinion?”
sitting on the fence as usual, but I would add that the only way physical
photonic light could emanate from inside
ordinary objects is by stimulated electromagnetic radiation, or as the result of
biochemical luminescence, like fireflies.”
any idea?” asked Rob.
money is on Alicia. At least two famous figures in history were flooded with
light, Jesus and St. Paul. You’re in honorable company, Tel. Do you agree,
nodded. “Yes, I do think you and Alicia are on the right track… Gordon,
don’t people see a bright light, amongst other things, and even go into it
when they have a near death experience——an NDE?”
right, and millions of Americans say they have had an NDE but that is a bit
different to Tel’s experience because he was not near death. Light of a
non-physical kind seems to be a non-reducible attribute of the Mind of God and
of all our Minds-as-such——which share in God’s Mind. Spiritual people
sometimes talk about the Light of Understanding or the Light of Truth. It would
seem, Tel, you have been touched by the Light of God.”
I’ll never be the same again,” said Tel quietly. “When I get into bed I
now keep hoping the light will flood me again but thus far it hasn’t.
There’s one more thing I wish to add. Somewhere in my deepest being I know that light. It’s as if I have experienced it somewhere
before. Somehow it’s familiar, like a deja vue memory I cannot quite place.”
was silent as if Tel’s statement had stirred a similar memory in each of them.
Then Gordon had an idea.
of you must have had psychic or peak experiences of one kind or another. Now
would be a good time to report these experiences to the group. Just a brief
description will do unless you do want
to elaborate. Let me kick off by relating what happened during my first solo
meditation twelve years ago. I was receiving my basic training in meditation at
a center where we attended weekly for instruction. After a couple of lectures
and some videos we did group meditations several times, then on the third week
we had to do solo meditations in little cubicles not much larger than walk-in
closets. Mine had a 15 watt light bulb in the ceiling and a straight-backed
wooden chair. I closed the door, sat down and went through the initial drill to
quieten my mind and slide down past everyday thoughts. Then, suddenly, without
any premonitions that it would happen, I was outside my body and outside the
cubicle about ten feet from where my body was sitting, looking at my body
watching it meditating. This only happened for a few seconds because I got such
a surprise by this out-of-body experience (OBE) that I startled myself back into
my body and continued with a ‘normal’ meditation. Later, when I reported my
OBE to the facilitator, one of the other trainees said she had a similar
experience in her mediation. That’s the only time I have ever been OBE consciously that I know of.”
have been out of body several times,” said Mary Ringly. “It was when I was
in medical school, but I thought I was going crazy so I told no one, and then
forced it to stop. Now I’m beginning to wish I hadn’t.”
can get it back,” Gordon reassured her. “But let me tell you a humorous
sequel to my story. Five years ago I was treating a bright 18 year-old young man
from the ghetto for dyslexia and during a break in the work I told him about my
one OBE to see if he was interested in meditation and psychic matters. He asked
me if I meant what happens when a person puts themselves up on the ceiling while
lying in their bed so as to observe their own body on the bed. I replied that
was exactly what I meant and then he
said, ‘Oh, I do that all the time! Doesn’t everybody?’ So I burst out
laughing, mostly in self-derision, because here was I struggling over many years
to go OBE again and here is this ‘street kid’ able to do it at will. I
learned a great spiritual lesson on humility from him. Anyway, although I
couldn’t do it myself I subsequently trained him to travel on out-of-body
expeditions all over the city. Also, he quickly developed the ability to read
other people’s thoughts, even strangers. He soon learned to read books
successfully and later attended the local community college.”
cut in. “Gordon are you aware that extensive testing with
electroencephalographic equipment, etcetera, indicates that individuals having
OBEs are still inside their body and
just in a dreamlike state complete with REMs, etcetera.”
was very patient as he replied. “Yes, Sean. You know I know all the relevant research, pro and con, for psychic or
other Psi phenomena. And the research you quoted is correct as far as it goes,
but it does not take into account that Mind is unlimited in essence and only limits itself to bodies or other
locations when IT wants to do so. Therefore (although all this is nonsense to
orthodox, physically oriented scientists) an individual Mind-as-such can, if it
so desires, be anywhere and everywhere
it wishes all at the same time because
Mind is not only ‘outside’ space-time, Sean——Mind invented space-time, and does so continuously! How do you think
remote viewers can see events happening hundreds or thousands of miles distant?
Also note that those remote viewers are not even in deep altered states. And
there is solid research evidence they can
do that. Even our armed forces use remote viewers. Sean, you physical scientists
have to stop assuming Mind is subject to the Laws of Physics. Mind invented
not only those Laws, but also manifests
the entire physical universe of universes along with all its attributes. So you see, Sean, we can be both in
our bodies (and registering on EEGs) and out
of them, or rather extended from them
as Mind, at the same time. To bring it closer to home for you, if particles of
physical energy can communicate across the universe then so can Minds.”
Ovalton picked up on this theme. “Then, Gordon, you are really saying it is
Mind, which can focus wherever it wishes. That it is Mind which sees, not
in a sense. The Mind can see through
the organs of the eye and brain if it
wishes, and while we are in possession of our human bodies it usually does
wish to see that way. But at night when dreaming you often ‘see’ lots of
imagery very clearly and although there is REM (Rapid Eye Movements) it is
obvious the eyes are not receiving reflected light from an external environment.
In dreams, even our bodies may seem to move around physically, we may seem to be
in pain, or making love, and yet all the time our physical bodies are fast
asleep in bed. The point is that we know during our dream it is ‘actually’ happening, and it is only
when we awaken that we reinterpret the
experience ‘as only a dream.’ What we are doing though is to switch from one
‘reality’ to another ‘reality.’ To say all this is only
neuropsychological ‘epiphenomena’ is like saying Beethoven’s Ninth
Symphony is only a sequence of
sounds——which, in context, says almost nothing.”
gestured that she wanted to say something and Rob nodded to her to proceed.
“Gordon, I had an older brother, a merchant sailor, who drowned accidentally
in Australia as a young man. I was only 16 at the time and living in Atlanta.
That night, even though I did not yet know he was dead, he appeared to me in my
room and I seemed to be awake. He explained how he had drowned but that I was
not to worry as he was all right and safe. Do you think he was really visiting
it’s highly likely. No one dies——period! Most people who die proceed
immediately to so-called ‘astral planes’ although I prefer to use the term
‘Mutable Domains.’ Some people, however, when they die stay on the earth
plane for a while and, in certain suitable circumstances, may communicate with
loved ones or others still in bodies. When one of my clients named Josephine
died in an auto accident her best friend, Shirley, asked me to hypnotize her so
she could talk to Josephine. We did so, and Josephine speaking through Shirley
told us a wealth of details about the accident and the funeral that neither
Shirley nor I attended. Okay, so this is just an anecdotal account but I’ve
talked with many of my clients’ deceased relatives hundreds of times while my
clients have been hypnotized. Often a grandparent, for example, will be a
person’s spiritual Guide (like Spirad is for you, Elizabeth, though he is not
a relative)——a kind of Guardian Angel if you like. Yes, Cloesha, life as
Mind goes on——for ever. When Jesus said, ‘My Father’s house has many
mansions,’ he meant there are innumerable ‘areas,’ ‘realms’ and
‘levels’ of Mind existence.”
you, Gordon,” said Cloesha warmly, “that is very reassuring confirmation.
After Frank’s recent experience as a Maori girl I have opened up to all kinds
of spiritual phenomena and miracles.”
smiled at her. “Everyone who has an open mind to Mind, will receive. Now has anyone else undergone what is commonly called
a psychic event, a parapsychological experience?”
you call having million-to-one coincidences occurring in your life often,
parapsychological, Gordon?” Rob asked.
do. Do you have lots of ‘synchronicities’ as Carl Jung called them? Many
I do” Rob said. “Synchronous events are a part of my everyday life. As I go
to pick up the telephone to call someone it will ring and that person is on the
line to me. I may be whistling a tune and when I turn on the car radio it is
playing. I will be reading an old novel and the movie of it is shown that
evening on television. These coincidences just go on and on, though I admit none
of them seem very spiritual or profound. Most are irrelevant.”
Jung reported some extreme synchronicities of his own. It’s all a part of
Minds attuning to other Minds within the Greater Mind. We manifest our own lives
on many levels and usually the purpose of synchronicities is to draw our
attention to that fact. Some Avatars state quite unequivocally that all the events in our lives are synchronicities because nothing
happens to us randomly or by accident. On some level, these Masters say, we
control and manifest every moment of our existence. This is, of course, the
exact opposite of what the physical sciences say. By the way, Rob, I also
experience synchronicities in my life and some have
glad to hear that because I tend to dismiss mine as unimportant. Tell us about
your most spiritual coincidence, Gordon.”
About two years ago I was working on a personal glossary for A
Course In Miracles which I have studied daily for many years. In passing let
me say that I have read most of the great books in philosophy, psychology,
religion and popular science, and that A
Course In Miracles is at least a thousand
times more profound than any of those others.”
interrupted. “Who wrote it?”
have to discover the true author yourself, Tel. The author does disclose his
true identity within the Course
itself, so go and read it so you can find out who he is. Now, where was I? Oh,
yes, I was writing the definitions for this glossary of the Course
on separate 6”x4” index cards so I could alphabetize them later. I had just
got to my definition for ‘The face of Christ’ and was in the middle of
writing it on a card when my study door opened and a psychiatrist friend of mine
who had come to visit walked into the room. He said, ‘Gordon, I have brought
you a surprise present,’ and he placed a beautifully framed picture of the
face of Jesus right alongside the card on which I was writing about ‘The face
of Christ.’ To say that the synchronicity ‘blew me away’ would be the
proverbial understatement of the year.”
present was silent for ten seconds while they pondered on the meaning of this
chance,” said Sean. “Far out coincidences like that happen to many people
once or twice in their lifetimes. It’s no big deal. Once in a while most card
players are dealt a royal flush.”
Sean, I wasn’t playing my ‘cards’ regularly. This was my first glossary ever and the first
time I had ever written ‘The face of Christ,’ and it was the only
time my friend ever gave me any
present, let alone a surprise one. And it all occurred at precisely the same
moment. To me, it was a loud and
clear message that I was on the right spiritual path and I am still
for you old chap, as we English say. As always, Gordon, we must agree to
disagree even though, somehow, we remain the best of friends. We must have had
some past lives together,” Sean added dryly.
no doubt,” grinned Gordon, “and probably we argued then as well. But it’s
getting late. Rob, shall we call it a day?” The senator nodded and everyone
stood up. Then Gordon said, “Joan, perhaps next week you would tell us of your
experience on the dark side.” Joan Cubero looked a little taken aback but
others had begun to say goodnight when Elizabeth felt a firm nudge in the middle
of her back. “Ask Tel to dinner, now!” Alicia whispered loudly in her
mother’s ear from behind. “Go on!” Elizabeth gave her daughter a brief,
withering stare then turned with a smile towards Tel and invited him to share a
meal with them on the coming Friday or Saturday evening.
enjoy that, Elizabeth. How about Saturday——at what time?”
say, seven? What foods do you like?”
I’m omnivorous. I like all food. I leave it to you. I’m not vegetarian or
macrobiotic or anything like that. I’d love
bring your swim suit,” interjected Alicia, “we have a hot tub on the patio
you know.” Elizabeth shot her daughter another “drop dead” look as they
began to bid everybody “Goodbye” and, “See you next week.” But we will see you, Tel, on Saturday,
Alicia said to herself happily, as they left the room.
weekend was on them so quickly it seemed time had accelerated at warp speed.
Late on Saturday afternoon Elizabeth and Alicia prepared the chopped vegetables,
diced chicken, spices and herbs for a gingery Szechuan stir-fry. They also made
a pan of fried rice laced with shreds of chicken, scrambled egg, onion and red
and green bell peppers. The polished rosewood table was formally set, complete
with the mixed flowers arrangement and the two red candles Alicia insisted on,
because in her heart she had decided that Elizabeth and Tel were a match made in
he arrived, Tel stood near the open kitchen sipping the large, dry sherry Alicia
had poured for him. As he watched and chatted he noted that Elizabeth handled
the Chinese wok like the experienced chef she was, while Alicia microwaved the
rice on high to reheat it quickly. He was a good cook himself, even though he
ate out most of the time, but it was relaxing for him to be in a warm family
home again. When he entertained his friends at his own house there was more of a
bachelor atmosphere. Elizabeth’s dessert was simple, a raspberry sherbet ice
surrounded with sliced banana and topped with thick boysenberry puree and
whipped cream. All through the meal the lively conversation centered around the
group meetings and the psychic phenomena they had each experienced. Tel asked
Alicia if she, too, had undergone any paranormal episodes.
as a little girl I did, but I want to describe them at one of the future
meetings, so for now it has to remain my secret.” Then she added, “Tel, did
you bring your swim suit?”
But I left it in the car. Shall I go and get it? I love soaking in hot tubs.”
was Elizabeth who replied. “So do we. When we moved here I had the whirlpool
installed because I had enjoyed them so much while in California.”
was born in California, in San Francisco,” said Tel. “My father was an
immigrant and he started a Greek restaurant there, where I worked right up
through college. Next week, let me show off, and cook you an authentic
eight-hour rack of lamb with all the ethnic trimmings.”
takes eight hours?” exclaimed Alicia in wonder.
that is the quicker way——some chefs slow roast it in a stone oven for twelve
hours at a very low temperature. To
say it is very tender and melts in your mouth is a vast exaggeration and the
herbs give it an exquisite flavor.”
a date!” cried Alicia before her mother could open her mouth. “Now, let’s
all get into hot water … by the way, Tel, Mom and I usually go in
topless——is that okay?”
three seconds, Tel was speechless then he grinned widely. “Oh, I should be
shocked if you did that. I’ve never
seen bare breasts before! Remember I’m from San Francisco.”
a liar you are, Tel,” laughed
Alicia, “next you will be telling me you have never made love to a woman. Go
get your gear.”
her confusion over her daughter’s brashness, all Elizabeth could think to say
was, “Tel, you can change in the guest bathroom down the hall there.”
they settled into the champagne-colored water, Tel noted that both women had
cute breasts and firm bodies.
do you exercise?” he enquired, looking at Elizabeth who was now deep in the
mean, it shows?” Elizabeth said, pleased that her intensive thrice-weekly
workouts at the local gym had borne fruit.
certainly does. I wish I looked that fit. I eat too much and tend to be lazy
except when I ski at Tahoe or, nowadays, at Snowbird or Deer Park in Utah. Do
you both ski?”
Alicia was a child we also learned to ski at Tahoe when Luke taught at Berkeley.
After the divorce, and since Alicia and I settled in Washington, we’ve not had
time. Alicia visits Luke and his wife for a couple of weeks most summers and
then our vacations are mostly to warm beaches or traveling to Europe.”
tucked away this information without knowing why he did so. He felt at ease with
both of them, as if he had known Elizabeth and her daughter for ever.
wonder if we ever saw each other at Tahoe or in San Francisco,” he said
pensively, “Did you ever eat Greek food there?”
smiled. “Not that I remember, but I do feel we have met somewhere before,
perhaps it was a ‘past life,’ as Gordon might say.”
we ask him to regress us under hypnosis and find out?” suggested Tel
half-jokingly. “Alicia may have been with us as well. What do you
sure of it. I believe we have had many lifetimes together and not only us three,
but the whole group. There must be a strong affinity somewhere for us all to
meet together the way we do.”
did you get to be so insightful by age 15, Alicia?”
almost 16, Tel, and any insights I may have are from intuition, even though that
prickle-head scientist, Sean, would say it’s luck, just luck——plus
genetics of course!”
Don’t insult people like that, it’s very unloving. By all means express your
opinions but don’t abuse people, please.” Elizabeth was upset. “I don’t
mind basic Anglo-Saxon in context but I won’t tolerate abuse in any form.
faintly embarrassed, stared at the bubbles.
are right, Mom. I don’t care for insults either. I like Sean and he’s not a
dick-head really. It’s just my high school culture that got the better of me,
all three were laughing at each other’s funny anecdotes of times past. Tel
told them how, as a boy, he had learned to belly dance from the girls who
entertained the customers in their restaurant. And how, subsequently, on a visit
to Egypt, when he was 18, he had stayed at a big Cairo hotel. While there he had
been watching a bevy of belly dancers on the hotel stage when some of them came
down into the audience to pull oafish American men up onto the stage to get them
to try to belly dance and thus make fools of themselves.
they were in for a big surprise! I immediately went into my expert routines and
before long my dancer and I brought the house down. Then the other dancers and
guys stopped and cleared the stage for us. Even John Travolta or Patrick Swayze
would have been envious of our professional performance.”
and Elizabeth were cracking up as Tel stood up and camel-walked several steps
across the pool.
you teach us to belly dance, Tel?” screamed Alicia as she bounced up and down
excitedly. “We can begin at your place next week after the lamb chops!”
agreed to do just that. Then all three decided that the hot tub had cooked them
to a lobster red so they sat on the pool surround for a few minutes to cool off
before going to get dressed. Later, as Tel was thanking them for a wonderful
evening and saying goodbye in fluent Greek, each woman, in turn, happily hugged
him, and all three felt more than a slight stir of passion during the embrace.
Joan Cubero was quite anxious when she arrived at Gordon’s place the following
Wednesday. She knew she was a private individual who rarely opened her personal
Pandora’s box even to Mary Ringly, let alone relative strangers. She had
committed herself, however, and would now honor that promise. The best way to
tell her story, she decided, would be to be as emotionally flat and as factual
as a pathologist in court. Joan would have liked to refer to herself in the
third person but then her emotional disconnection would be very obvious. As she
was already getting to know the members of the group quite well she might be
less self-conscious now. Anyway she was determined
not to cry.
everybody had settled down after the initial greetings, Joan began to recount
quite softly what she had experienced during the rape. When tears began to slide
down her cheeks she ignored them. Mary laid a comforting hand on her arm to
steady her. Cloesha and Sean looked shaken and Elizabeth appeared appalled. Only
Gordon and the Ringlys had known previously of Joan’s ordeal. The rest of the
group had been expecting another psychic “trip” to enjoy, not a true horror
Joan reached the point in her account where the rapist had left the apartment
she paused as if to gather herself together. As she took a deep breath Sean
blurted out, “How terrible for you. What a monster! What did you do?”
had recovered somewhat, and after another deep breath, pushed on. “Yes, Sean,
that was a difficult decision for me to make, because, being an attorney, I knew
that I would be invaded immediately all over again, but in a different way, of
course, by the police, the crime lab, the doctors and the legal profession.
Everyone has rape and sexual abuse crimes on the front
burner now——it's not like the old days. They even sometimes take small
children to court, charging them with sexual abuse, which is ridiculous. Anyway,
after lying there for about half an hour in delayed, lifeless shock, I called
the police first, and then our security guard to tell him they would be
arriving. The police took 40 minutes to arrive and the forensic van got there an
hour after that. In the meantime I had dressed but not showered because water
washes away possible evidence especially in rape cases. Underneath, I even left
on my night panties and T-shirt. Over the phone to the 911 people I had only
given my name and address. Now I want you all to know there is
privilege in America. When they found out I was a federal judge all of
Washington, DC, Maryland and Virginia became involved, and behind the scenes,
the FBI. A detective personally escorted me in his own car to the Rape Center at
the hospital and waited for two hours while I was examined and questioned.
Everyone spent days on the case. Every atom of dust and hair was collected from
my apartment and every tenant in every block was questioned twice. My night
clothes and sheets were dissolved for chemical analysis. The night security
guard, who was a moonlighting college student, was later made the scapegoat by
his company and fired.”
was the rapist ever apprehended, Joan?” asked Frank who liked to get to the
he was not. It seems he had raped others before me, but no one since. He is much
too smart to leave evidence——even to brushing out his genital hair
thoroughly because no hairs were found on me or in the bed. The case is still
wide open but I think the local police are actually waiting for him to rape
again in the hope he will leave concrete clues next time. I suspect, however,
he’s now moved on to Texas, or California, or wherever——though the
investigative net is that wide.”
stared directly at Gordon. “Why on earth did you put Joan through all this
again, and what the devil has it got to do with the paranormal? I don’t think
it’s very fair of you, Gordon.”
of all, Sean, Joan asked me if I
thought her experience would be of use here, and secondly, she is a mature,
independent woman who makes her own
decisions as to what she does and does not do. Now I know there is value for us
here in what happened to her, but I want all of you, who wish, to ask Joan
questions first before I explain.”
all glanced at each other but as no one spoke Gordon continued. “You may
remember Joan asking why bad things happen to good people and that is a mystery
that puzzles many in the West and not just religious people either. Sean and
other orthodox scientists would claim it is pure random chance——bad luck in
popular language——or that they
brought it on themselves through direct cause and effect as when a careless
driver has an accident or a criminal gets shot. In Eastern religions it’s
caused by karma and this view is now becoming more and more popular. However I
would like to present to you a much more complex kind of karma, one which
involves several multi-dimension levels of personal existence or being, which
are all interwoven in incredibly intricate patterns. I’m going to hand each of
you a printed copy of a true case study of a patient of mine whom psychiatrists
had correctly diagnosed as schizophrenic. She has, of course, given me written
permission to publish this account and her name is not her real one. Places are
omitted and some unimportant details have been disguised. I want you to take it
home and study it and we will discuss it’s implications next week. We will
finish a little early tonight but it might not
be a good idea for you to read this case study before bedtime.” This paper was
distributed to each person before they left for home.
is the paper Gordon gave the group to read:
POSSESSION, RAPE, MURDER AND MAYHEM.
This young woman, who was 19 years old, had just been discharged from an
Armed Forces psychiatric hospital where she had been for several weeks.
Psychiatrists there had diagnosed her as schizophrenic and had medicated
her with substantial dosages of the antipsychotic Loxitane, the antidepressant
Elavil, the cholinergic blocker Cogentin and the antianxiety drug Ativan.
Gabriella was not only depressed and suicidal in hospital but also
paranoid and hallucinatory. Her
“voices” (mostly one called “Jake”) told her to, "kill all the
doctors," as well as, "all the people."
In addition Gabriella said she "ran VCR tapes in her head,"
tapes of rapes (mostly happening to a girlfriend) and extreme jealousies. These "VCR tapes" had been present in Gabriella
long before she went into the Armed Forces.
I had seen Gabriella for several sessions before she went into the Armed
Forces and, back then, I had discovered she and her cousins, as children, had
been sexually abused by her uncle for many years, a fact about which she was
fully conscious and somewhat guilty, because much of it “was fun.”
Gabriella was unable to work and when discharged from the hospital (and
the Service) she had to enter immediately a halfway house where she lived on
charity and her social security disability payments.
When she came to see me she was worried that her main “voice,” whose
name was Jake, might kill me, but I explained that that was of no concern to me.
Gabriella agreed that, as her psychotherapy proceeded with me, she would
decrease her dosages of medication, and this was agreed to by her new
psychiatrist who approved of my methods. I
saw Gabriella for one two-hour session weekly.
The first fact finding session was in April, 1990.
During the second session we went through an extensive healing in the
Land of Light. At the beginning of the third session we really got down to
business. Note that Gabriella was
raised as a Roman Catholic but had not attended church since she was confirmed
at age ten. Gabriella was now
studying, "A Course in Miracles," a course that I had recommended to
her. Although most of the therapy was carried out while Gabriella was in a state
of deep hypnosis, a part of each two-hour session was devoted to conscious
discussion. As with all my clients
I always told Gabriella she would remember everything that went on, and that was
said, while she was in an altered state. I leaned over backwards, so to speak, not
to make any suggestions of any
kind during hypnosis, only feeding back information from what had already
been said, or from events which had already
been described. My words are in
capitals and Gabriella’s (and her “voices”) are in lower case.
All comments are in brackets or parentheses.
MAY 5th 1990
IS JAKE THERE? DON'T BE AFRAID... DID
YOU GET FURIOUS WITH THE DOCTORS (in the
psychiatric hospital)? DID THEY
DO AWFUL THINGS TO YOU? ... WHAT
AWFUL THINGS DID THEY DO, JAKE? ... SHARE
IT ALL WITH ME! ... I CAN HELP YOU!
YOU “RAGE,” JAKE? (meaning Gabriella's
split off inner rage because his statements about “killing” obviously
indicated violent anger.) JAKE,
I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO HELP YOU. ...
Leave me alone!
YOU ARE VERY UNHAPPY, AREN'T YOU, JAKE?
My head hurts so bad!
WHAT DID THEY DO TO YOUR HEAD?
Leave me alone. What do you want? Leave
me alone or I will kill you! My
head hurts so bad ... a lot.
WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR HEAD TO BE BETTER?
I CAN MAKE IT BETTER.
GOD CAN. I CAN, WITH HIM,
HEAL YOU. DO YOU WANT THAT HEALING?
No! My head hurts.
I LOVE YOU, AND I DON'T WANT YOUR HEAD TO HURT.
I don't like you.
I hate you, and my head hurts. The
devil's going to help me. Evil
WHAT ABOUT GABRIELLA?
HOW DID YOU GET HER?
I won't tell you!
HOW DID YOU DIE? (Gabriella’s hands
went into an open, half-clenched position, with thumbs jutting outwards, very
tensed.) WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH YOUR HANDS?
I'll make her hurt. Leave me
alone. She is hurting. I'll
give her pain.
DO YOU LOVE PAIN?
HOW DID YOUR BODY DIE? (I
am now presuming, for the moment, that Jake is a discarnate entity
“possessing” Gabriella——this is a working hypothesis on my part.)
It doesn't matter! I'll kill you, kill! Kill
BUT YOU HAVEN'T GOT A BODY. (Meaning
that Jake needed a body to carry out his threat to kill me.)
NO! SHE'S NOT
YOURS. WOULDN'T YOU LIKE A BODY OF
YOUR OWN? ...
ARE YOU KILLING THE DOCTOR?
I'M OFFERING YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO BREAK OUT, TO BE HAPPY.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN WITH GABRIELLA?
(At this point Gabriella
spontaneously “came back” replacing Jake, and while still in a deep trance
she said:) He's not going to
a result of the above conversations I decided to do a depossession, taking Jake
out of Gabriella while we were still in the Land of Light.
He was put in a symbolic spiritual bubble and taken by Guides to a
special section of the Land of Light called the Kent Community where problem
cases like Jake can be healed by Higher Beings.
I then awakened Gabriella and asked her:]
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
I'm not happy.
Because I'm empty.
Nothing. There's nothing.
(Presumably the emptiness resulted from Jake's transfer to the Land of Light.
This ended the session.)
SESSION, MAY 12th 1990
the (previously held) second session Gabriella had said her main spiritual Guide
was an angel, but the angel did not give a specific name when asked.]
ANGEL, ARE YOU THERE?
My head hurts!
ANGEL, WHERE DOES YOUR HEAD HURT?
(Gabriella put her hands to her
temples and forehead. At this
point, realizing angels do not have headaches, I asked the following question.)
IF IT IS NOT ANGEL, IS JAKE THERE?
YOU CAME BACK INTO GABRIELLA?
My head hurts. It’s sick.
JAKE, DID THE DOCTORS HURT IT?
(I asked this because Jake always wanted to “kill all the doctors.”)
I don't remember. (It then occurred to me
the hurting might have something to do with his death.)
JAKE, HOW DID YOUR BODY DIE?
In an accident. (Now we
were getting somewhere.)
DID YOU HURT YOUR HEAD IN AN ACCIDENT?
(He/she was holding his/her head.)
I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT. WHAT
KIND OF ACCIDENT?
A car accident. (Many discarnate entities have died, as bodies, in car
accidents, suddenly. Abrupt
physical deaths often precede their possession of others.)
WERE YOU DRIVING THE VEHICLE?
WHAT KIND OF WORK DID YOU DO?
I don't remember. I was crossing the street.
IN WHICH CITY?
My head hurts. I don't know.
HOW OLD ARE YOU?
26 years old. (Remember that
Gabriella is only 19.)
DID THEY TAKE YOU TO HOSPITAL?
(I wanted to find out where he
learned to hate doctors.)
WHAT YEAR IS THIS?
WHAT YEAR DID YOU FIND GABRIELLA?
She was three years old. (As
Gabriella was born in 1968, there was a gap of some 27 years between Jake's
accidental death and his finding Gabriella and possessing her.)
I WILL FIX YOUR HEAD. I'LL
TOUCH YOUR SPIRITUAL EYE (on the forehead,
above and between the eyebrows.) I'LL
COUNT TO TEN. 1 - 10. ...
YOU ARE OKAY NOW, JAKE. THE
PAIN HAS GONE. (I admit this was simple suggestion, but I wanted Jake to feel more
kindly towards me, so I could be of more help, psycho-therapeutically speaking.)
Is the pain going to come back?
NO. ONLY A BODY CAN FEEL
PAIN, AND YOU HAVE NOT GOT A BODY. THE
PAIN WAS IN YOUR MEMORY ONLY. HOW
ARE YOU FEELING JAKE? WE LOVE YOU! I CAN FIX YOU. THE
PAIN WON'T COME BACK UNLESS YOU WANT IT TO.
DO YOU? (The idea here was to establish a therapeutic obligation to me and a
therapeutic dependence on me, so Jake would be more flexible and friendly.
I also wanted to establish that Jake did not have a body of his own
but was using Gabriella’s.)
JAKE, IF YOU DIED IN 1940 AND YOU DIDN'T FIND GABRIELLA UNTIL 1971, THEN
YOU WERE 31 YEARS WITHOUT A BODY.
I'M A DOCTOR, AND I CURED YOUR PAIN, SO NO MORE WANTING TO KILL ALL THE
HOW ELSE CAN I HELP YOU?
Make sure the pain doesn't come back.
JAKE, IF YOU GO WITH THE ANGEL GUIDES IN THE LAND OF LIGHT THE PAIN WILL
NEVER COME BACK AGAIN. DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH THEM AND NOT SUFFER PAIN AGAIN?
WHEN WE ARE ALL SPIRITUAL MASTERS WE WILL MEET AGAIN.
Okay, but I don't like Jesus.
WHY? DID HE EVER HURT YOU?
LIKE ALL AVATARS, HE IS ONLY LOVE. ANYWAY,
ALL JESUS IS DOING IS TO GET SOME SPIRITUAL GUIDES TO HELP YOU.
ALL RIGHT. GABRIELLA, DO YOU
JAKE, DO YOU FORGIVE GABRIELLA?
FOR ANY ANGER OR FEAR SHE FELT.
JAKE, TAKE THE HANDS OF YOUR GUIDES WHO ARE STANDING BESIDE YOU NOW AND
GO WITH THEM TO ANOTHER PART OF THE LAND OF LIGHT. ...
(Jake went off with the two Guides,
but we were to hear more of him, much more!)
NOW, GABRIELLA, YOU ARE FREE OF JAKE AGAIN.
HE HAS GONE OFF WITH HIS GUIDES, AND NOW YOU ARE AT PEACE.
this point I decided to explore any ego-children (i.e., multiple or
sub-personalities) who might exist in Gabriella as a part of her total
GABRIELLA, I WOULD LIKE TO TALK TO YOUR EGO-CHILDREN -- THE ONES WHO HAVE
EXISTED DEEP IN YOU SINCE YOU WERE A LITTLE GIRL.
FIRST, I WOULD LIKE TO SPEAK TO THE FEARFUL
CHILD. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
My name is Tony. (Tony seems to be a
multiple personality of Gabriella's.)
WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, TONY?
WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?
WHY ARE YOU SO AFRAID OF YOUR MOM?
She's so strange.
HOW DO YOU MEAN, STRANGE?
I'm confused. She's Gabriella's Mom.
ARE YOU PART OF GABRIELLA?
I don't know.
WHY DID SHE HIT GABRIELLA? (Gabriella
had previously mentioned her parents hit her as a child.)
Her father did too. Her
father hit Gabriella with that ring. He
hit her on the head.
THAT WASN'T VERY NICE OF HIM.
And with the belt too. Many
DID YOU CRY?
Yes. But I don't understand
WHY YOU WERE HIT?
It's me or Gabriella. Are we
the same person? It seems like it. I'm confused.
LET US ASSUME YOU ARE THE SAME PERSON, OKAY?
... DOES SHE KNOW YOU ARE PART OF HER?
I don't understand.
I'LL TELL YOU. SHE MAY HAVE SPLIT YOU OFF FROM HER CENTRAL EGO BECAUSE SHE
DIDN'T LIKE THE BEATINGS.
She wants to forget me. She
doesn't like me and it's not my fault. But
she doesn't want me. (At
this point Gabriella's toes wiggled.)
TONY, DO YOU ALWAYS WIGGLE YOUR TOES?
Yes, to forget.
TO FORGET THE BEATINGS?
Everything, …and that she doesn't want me.
(I decided to introduce Gabriella and Tony to each other.)
GABRIELLA MEET TONY. HE IS A
PART OF YOU. HE LOVES YOU AND NEEDS
YOU. CAN YOU TAKE HIM BACK INTO
HOW OLD ARE YOU, TONY?
I don't know. About 5 or 6.
GABRIELLA, TONY NEEDS YOU. CAN
YOU TAKE HIM IN AGAIN? TONY IS
GOING TO GROW UP, AND HE WILL BECOME BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS.
HE WILL GROW UP EMOTIONALLY TWO YEARS FOR EVERY WEEK OF REAL TIME THAT
(This is a standard
time-accelerating maturational technique——amongst others——I use with
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM WITH THAT?
I'm so scared.
GOOD, YOU'VE TAKEN TONY BACK. NOW,
THE FEAR IS ONLY BECAUSE YOUR MOTHER AND FATHER BEAT YOU.
DO YOU REMEMBER DAD'S RING NOW, GABRIELLA?
GO BACK INTO THAT TIME. FEEL
IT WITH TONY. FEEL IT GABRIELLA. (Gabriella's
fists clenched and her toes rocked.) …
IT ALL HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO. OKAY,
DAD HAS STOPPED NOW——DO YOU WANT TO CRY?
(I expected the usual childhood reaction of tears, but Gabriella/Tony
shook her head, “No.”) …
LET THE TEARS COME. (I
wanted to encourage her to let go any anguish, but it was deep anger that had
been unleashed——anger that Tony's fear had dissociated.)
I want to kill the fucker! (This
was her hidden rage at her father, and also the rage of Jake against the
GOOD. LET OUT THE ANGRY
CHILD. LET OUT THE RAGE.
(I almost always flow with a client’s current emotions.
But now Gabriella switched emotions on me yet again.)
No. It's not Daddy's fault.
It just happens. It's not
WHO SAYS THAT? (I was thinking
another ego-child might be speaking.)
I do. (It was Gabriella, herself,
who was speaking.)
They were probably beaten too.
OKAY, SO FORGIVE THEM.
I want to, but the memories keep flooding back.
How can we stop the memories?
BY USING A SPIRITUAL BUBBLE. STUFF
ALL THE ANGER AND FEAR INTO THE SPIRITUAL BUBBLE.
SAY, "DADDY, I FORGIVE
YOU. MOMMY, I FORGIVE YOU.
NEITHER OF YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING."
(Gabriella's fingers moved as she forgave her parents.)
And my brothers too. And
what about my uncle? (The
uncle who, for years, had sexually abused her as a child.)
I feel guilty.
YOU FEEL GUILTY? WHY? (Was this another ego-child?)
It was my fault too.
SO, SHOVE ALL YOUR GUILT INTO THE SPIRITUAL BUBBLE AS WELL.
IT’S A PRETTY FAT BUBBLE NOW!
I was real small, real small with my uncle.
(Another change of direction!)
HOW OLD? (I,
Gordon, usually go along with the client's flow of consciousness.)
Four or five.
YES, I KNOW HE PLAYED WITH YOU AND YOUR COUSINS SEXUALLY.
YOU TOLD ME BEFORE. (Gabriella had never dissociated these sexual experiences which, she had
previously explained, occurred fairly often over several years.)
Yes. I got used to it and I
looked for it. Why?
BECAUSE IT WAS NATURAL FROM YOUR SIDE, BUT NOT FROM YOUR UNCLE'S.
Then why does it bother me now? (There
was guilt about her own sexual
BECAUSE YOU FELT IT WAS WRONG. BECAUSE
OF THE CHURCH, YOUR PARENTS, ETC. BUT
FOR A LITTLE CHILD WHO IS DRAWN INTO THE SITUATION INNOCENTLY, THERE ARE NO
RIGHTS OR WRONGS. (Even
though there were for the uncle.)
There's got to be... (Gabriella's
voice faded out.)
IT IS ALL IN THE PAST. IT NO
LONGER EXISTS. LET IT GO.
IT WAS JUST CIRCUMSTANCES. IT
HAPPENED... (Gabriella began weeping.) HAVE
A GOOD CRY. LET THE FEELINGS OUT.
POOR LITTLE GABRIELLA. POOR
LITTLE TONY. CRY FOR THEM. LET THE TEARS FLOW. ...
YOU DECIDED TO DO THIS BEFORE THIS LIFE, AND YOUR UNCLE TOO.
I'm so ashamed. And now people use me. I
feel I have been used so many times. (This
is a reference to Gabriella's teen years when——she had previously told
me——she would frequently mix older men, sex and alcohol.)
Men always hurt me.
THIS MAN DOESN'T.
(I wanted to establish my own
YES, YOUR DAD DID, YOUR UNCLE DID, YOUR BROTHERS DID, AND JAKE DID.
THEY ALL ABUSED YOU.
And many more. People that got me drunk.
HOW OLD WERE YOU?
14 - 15 - 16 - 17.
HOW DID YOU MEET THEM?
They were friends. They would get me drunk and use me as if I was a thing.
Fucking, alcohol, and men!
YOU FELT GUILTY?
DID YOU GET PREGNANT? (I
wanted to see if there were other pockets of guilt.)
THAT IS SOMETHING TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
went on to explain in detail how she, in her teens, met older men at dances.]
YOU SAID YOU FEEL GUILTY THAT YOU WENT ALONG WITH THEM?
The drinking, yes. I didn't know how to say "No."
DO YOU NOW?
Yes, I'm not drinking. Every
time I drink I do the same thing. Stupid!
Stupid! (Note that Gabriella had had two years of sobriety in AA at this point.
She had realized when 17 that alcohol and other drugs were a serious
handicap and, on her own initiative, had joined Alcoholics Anonymous.)
DID YOU TELL THEM ANY OF THIS WHILE IN THE PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL?
OKAY. SO, IT IS ALL IN THE
PAST. AND THE PAST IS AN ILLUSION.
LET IT ALL GO.
It bothers me so much. It is
like a fucking nightmare.
BUT NOW YOU HAVE CHANGED. YOU
HAVE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF. GOD NEVER
CONDEMNED YOU. HE IS ONLY
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. IT IS NOT AS
BAD AS YOU THINK.
It still hurts me.
THAT IS BECAUSE YOU BLAME YOURSELF.
(Here Gabriella shook a clenched
Joy, Joy! (Joy
is Gabriella's current lover. Gabriella
had always been bisexual in the past, but now women were safer. Remember her cousins were girls and they all had sexual
experiences together throughout childhood——and with uncle.)
ARE YOU CLENCHING YOUR FIST BECAUSE YOU ARE ANGRY?
Yes. It drives me crazy.
I can't stand it. Joy's such
a bitch. Why did she have to tell me about all the men and women in her past,
and all the things she did? (Gabriella obviously had a very jealous ego-child within her.)
ARE YOU JEALOUS OF THEM?
I guess I am. I wish it (the
jealousy) would go away.
IT BOTHERS YOU TO THINK OF OTHERS MAKING LOVE WITH JOY, EVEN IN THE PAST?
Yes. Especially with men.
God, I hate men.
DO YOU WANT TO KILL ALL THE MEN?
All of them! (Gabriella
was now owning some of George’s anger.)
WOULD THAT BE SWEET REVENGE?
Yes, but it doesn't matter if they are dead because it is still here in
me. That is why I want to die.
It will never go away. (At
this point Gabriella gasped audibly as if she had had a great insight.)
I can see everything——its like a tape in my head and it won't stop.
WHAT IS ON THE TAPE?
Joy and me, and these guys, and all the men, and the VCR's that have rape
in them——all these movies. (These
“movies” existed only in Gabriella's mind.
She never referred to real movies or real VCR's.)
DID ANY OF THE MEN YOU HAD SEX WITH EVER RAPE YOU FORCEFULLY OR
we shall see this is important. Gabriella
was never raped with any force, not by any men, or her uncle who never
penetrated her. So it is still a
mystery as to where the “rape
tapes” are coming from.)
DO YOU LOVE JOY?
I felt dirty, and I look at her and she is as dirty as I am.
WHERE DOES THE GUILT COME FROM? WHO
TOLD YOU ALL THIS WAS DIRTY?
I just feel it is dirty. Its
the feelings I have. And the tapes
won't stop running in my head.
IT SEEMS LIKE A CASE OF OVER-REACTION.
(I was puzzled by Gabriella's depth
The inner movies are always of Joy and rape.
It’s terrible. It’s like
I can see and remember them and I can see the tapes running.
DO YOU REMEMBER THOSE PAST LIVES WE DID BEFORE?
THE ONES WITH RAPES IN THEM? (In earlier sessions, before Gabriella went into the Armed Forces, I had
taken her into two past lives in which she had been a rape victim.)
hugged herself, wept out loud, and jerked her body.)
No more, please...
YOU CAN MAKE THEM GO.
STUFF THEM INTO THE SPIRITUAL BUBBLE.
JESUS WILL TAKE THEM ALL AND THROW IT AWAY INTO THE SUN.
I HAVE HERE A BIG SPIRITUAL BUBBLE.
STUFF ALL THE VCR TAPES INTO IT.
Joy! Joy! Joy! (Gabriella cried and moved her hands from forehead to mid-air as if
stuffing tapes into a bubble. Remember
Gabriella believed in Jesus, but any
High Master will do. I was not
clear if “Joy” referred to Gabriella’s friend or to a “joyful”
emotional release, or both.)
NOW, JESUS HAS TAKEN ALL THE TAPES IN THE BUBBLE AND HAS THROWN THEM INTO
THE SUN. AND NOW YOU HAVE TO
REPLACE ALL THOSE VCR TAPES WITH "A COURSE IN MIRACLES" TAPES AND
"SERENITY" TAPES. (After bringing
Gabriella out of her deep trance the session ended.
She was told while in the trance that she would remember the whole
session afterwards, and she did.)
SESSION, JUNE 30th 1990
this time Gabriella was taking only a tiny dosage of Loxitane, no Cogentin, and
a half dose of Elavil at bedtime. She
rarely resorted to Ativan. Because
of her loyalty to AA and NA she despised all drugs and very much wanted to be
free of all medication. After the
induction, and going through the Tunnel of Light, I
requested Gabriella to go to a past life to do with killing.]
WHAT IS HAPPENING? ... WHERE
Nothing ... (But Gabriella clenched her fist tightly.)
GO TO THE PLACE OF THE CLENCHED FIST. ...
(Gabriella opened her fist.)
I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE ANGRY CHILD,
THE CHILD WHO GETS IN A RAGE.
I don't like this!
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
Why are you doing this? (She
made crimping finger movements, then banged her thighs and reclenched her
WHO ARE YOU HITTING? ... WHO
DO YOU WANT TO HIT? ... ARE YOU
voice is now speaking, it is not Gabriella's usual voice.)
She is a stupid bitch!
WHY IS GABRIELLA A STUPID BITCH?
When she gets mad she doesn't do anything about it!
WHAT SHOULD SHE DO?
Kill them all, just kill!
WHO FIRST, BEFORE EVERYBODY?
All the men who hurt.
WHO HURT YOU FIRST?
They haven't hurt me.
WHO DID THEY HURT? (I, GORDON, was
determined not to allow generalities. We
had arrived at the point where specific details were needed if the therapy was
going to break open this block.)
Women. Don't send me there.
Don't, don't, I don't want to find out.
(Gabriella cried out in panic,
GO TO THAT PLACE. WHAT IS HAPPENING THERE?
YOU HAVE TO GO TO IT. (Gabriella
put both hands around her own neck, tightly.)
IS SOMEONE STRANGLING YOU?
No, don't. No!
No! No! ...
GO THERE! WHAT IS HE DOING
TO YOU? (This
"he" was a legitimate assumption because Gabriella had just said it
was, "...the men who hurt.")
Please don't send me there, please don't.
WHY ARE YOU SO SCARED?
WHICH LIFE IS IT? THIS LIFE?
I don't know. I can't see it, and I don't want to see it.
IT WILL CURE YOU. IT WILL HELP YOU GET OVER ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.
WAS IT (the
event we are seeking to reveal) SO
WE HAVE TO FIND IT ALL OUT SOONER OR LATER.
(Gabriella sat up abruptly, as if a breakthrough had occurred.)
GO THERE! (We
had to get this event out in the open.)
Oh! My God!
(Gabriella started rocking quickly.) I've got to run! I've
got to run! My God!
WHAT FROM? WHAT IS
HAPPENING? IS HE RAPING YOU?
HOW OLD ARE YOU? (Gabriella shook her
head rapidly to say she did not know how old she was, or perhaps to indicate my
question was irrelevant.)
HE'S RAPING YOU?
Stop! I can't handle it. Give me a gun!
WHO IS HE?
I'm not going to see it. (Crying
openly, desperately.) It's
YOU FEEL HE IS KILLING YOU? (Gabriella
became quieter, but she was still swaying in a sitting up position on the sofa,
her hands on her shins, her head down.)
WELL, GABRIELLA, IT'S IN THERE. WE
ALMOST GOT TO IT——THE CAUSE OF ALL YOUR PROBLEMS.
(Remember Gabriella is still in a very deep trance.
It must have been my sudden “change of pace” which caused a kind of
mild detachment, resulting in her next statement.)
can see myself cut up in pieces!
That dream I just had... It
was me! (Gabriella
obviously looked on the foregoing experiences as a dream, or rather a nightmare,
which she was now remembering in a detached kind of way; this was a useful
“mechanism” enabling her to deal with the horror of it all.)
YOU WERE CUT UP IN PIECES!!? (I
was a little stunned, myself.)
It was me. It was real.
It was a dream. (At this point I decided to keep the dream mode going.)
TELL ME THE DREAM.
It can't be me. I was in the... (Her
voice trailed off.)
LET US PRETEND IT WAS YOU. (Pretending
allows for more detachment.)
I was in a room. I was trapped in there.
Somebody had that girl trapped in there. Then an old guy came in and cut her in pieces.
I thought I cut her in pieces. I
thought I cut her in pieces. I
thought I was the guy who cut her in pieces.
But it’s not me. (This
sudden change of gender caught me by surprise.
I was not sure now who was speaking because Gabriella had just referred
to herself as a "guy.")
WHO IS NOT YOU?
That girl. That girl's a
DID SHE DESERVE TO BE CUT IN PIECES?
I just had to do it.
I don't know.
BECAUSE SHE WAS A SLUT? (I
was echoing Gabriella’s own words here.)
HOW DID SHE GET INTO THE ROOM?
(I was following up on locale.)
The other guy brought her into the room.
The guy who cut her in pieces was young——the other guy was not.
WAS THE OTHER GUY AMERICAN? (I
was trying to get a handle on all this.)
I don't know.
WHO ARE YOU? (I was amazed by the
answer to this question.)
Jake. (Jake must have “come in” when Gabriella became a little calmer,
earlier. Jake had not reappeared
for many weeks.)
ARE YOU THE JAKE WE SENT TO THE LIGHT?
(I had to make sure.)
WHAT IS THE GIRL'S NAME? (I
was referring to the girl who said she had been cut up.)
Maria. She's a slut.
(Now I had more names and
identities, the going would be easier.)
WHERE DID SHE COME FROM?
My Dad had her in here. (Meaning the room where she was cut up.)
WHAT IS YOUR DAD'S NAME?
WHERE DID YOUR DAD FIND MARIA?
In some bar.
IN WHAT TOWN?
New York. (In
fact, Gabriella has never lived in New York, at least not in her current
WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO WITH MARIA?
She was living here. She's a
THEN, DID THEY HAVE SEX?
THEN WHAT DID YOU DO, JAKE?
She went to bed with me too.
DID YOU LIKE IT? (I suspected Jake's
real motives here.)
She's a slut. I'll kill her.
YOU DON'T LIKE SLUTS, JAKE? (“Slut”
seemed to be a key word here.)
No. My Momma was a slut.
(Now we were getting somewhere!)
WAS MOMMA THE WIFE OF ANTONIO, YOUR FATHER?
I don't know if they were married. (That
WHAT HAPPENED TO MOMMA?
She got killed. I fucked her too.
YOU FUCKED YOUR MOMMA? (This
was so unexpected I could not help echoing Jake.)
said all this quite matter of factly.)
THEN HOW DID YOUR MOMMA DIE?
(He had said already she was
She got shot.
WHO SHOT HER?
Some cop. (I
presumed that this shooting was at another time.)
OKAY. BACK TO JAKE AND
I killed her... later, that night.
HOW DID YOU KILL HER?
I cut her in pieces.
HOW? WHAT DID YOU DO FIRST?
I cut her head off first.
In the room.
JAKE, WHY DID YOU CUT HER INTO PIECES?
WHAT WAS THE REASON?
She was a slut. (In the light of all
the above conversation, I assumed that in Jake's mind there was an unconscious
link between this “slut,” Maria, and his mother whom he had also identified
as a "slut". He was, in
fact, killing a mother surrogate. But
who was Maria?)
THEN WHAT DID YOU DO?
I left, and when I came back later she was gone.
I don't know who found her. Maybe
Dad. Maybe the cops.
I left. The cops may still
be looking for me.
WHAT YEAR DID YOU KILL MARIA?
I keep thinking of 1943.
WHO IS MARIA NOW? (I was fairly sure
Maria was Gabriella in a former life.)
I don't know.
WHEN DID YOU DIE, JAKE?
I don't know.
1953 or 1956.
I had an accident, a car accident. (This
AT THAT TIME IN NEW YORK, WHO WAS GABRIELLA?
I don't know a Gabriella.
(This made it very authentic.)
YOU ARE IN HER BODY, NOW. ... WHOSE
BODY ARE YOU IN?
You ask weird questions! Nobody's.
ARE YOU IN YOUR OWN BODY?
I'm not sure. You let me out, and now I'm here.
WHERE DID I LET YOU OUT FROM?
was being more logical than I.)
WAS MARIA, GABRIELLA? (I
had decided to give this question a last shot.)
No. Maria was a slut.
(This did not mean Maria was not
Gabriella in a previous life, only that Jake did not connect the two people.
With all this taking place in
Gabriella's mind the link was obvious.)
this point I again put Jake into a spiritual bubble and sent him back to the
Land of Light with two guides. He
seemed happy to go this time, and he has never returned.
He is, and was, a separate human entity.]
WHO IS THERE NOW?
Gabriella. (She was still in a deep
WHEN DID YOU FIRST HAVE THAT DREAM OF JAKE AND MARIA?
(Which, of course she repressed back then.)
Before I went into the hospital. I
didn't know if it was reality or not.
DO YOU THINK YOU WERE MARIA IN A PREVIOUS LIFE?
I don't know. (She tapped above her
heart area with two fingers of her left hand.)
WHAT ARE YOU TAPPING FOR?
THERE'S NO NEED TO BE AFRAID NOW.
I know, but the fear is there.
YES, I KNOW. BUT IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT.
I guess that body——of me as Maria——is dead.
I don't understand. If it
was this life I can't remember.... It
can't be this life because I would remember.
(In fact, Gabriella, who is only 19, is much too young to have lived in
New York in the 1940's and 1950's.)
WELL, WE WILL LOOK AT IT ALL AGAIN ON ANOTHER DAY.
JUST KEEP READING YOUR "COURSE IN MIRACLES" AND LISTEN TO THE
"SERENITY" TAPES. OKAY? REMEMBER YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD, AND YOU ARE BLESSED.
AND YOU WILL REMEMBER THIS SESSION WHEN YOU AWAKEN AND REALIZE IT ALL TOOK PLACE
LONG AGO. JAKE HAS NOW GONE AND YOU
ARE QUITE SAFE. AT THIS POINT, I
AWAKENED GABRIELLA SLOWLY.
SESSION, JULY 7th 1990
Jake had been successfully depossessed, Gabriella had a lot of anger still to be
released and transformed into higher forms such as determination and willpower.
It was as if that nightmare of Jake's had repressed Gabriella's angry
feelings about her own family relationships in childhood.
Therefore, I have included this session as a key sequel to that nightmare
and its theme of killing. After the
usual, altered-state induction, the initial sequence of questions and answers is
a rather disjointed lead-in to the Gabriella's childhood relationships.]
IS ANYONE THERE WHO CAN SPEAK TO ME?
(I then called in to several guides
by the names that Gabriella had given me long before, but none answered.)
GABRIELLA, DID YOU GET ANYTHING?
TONY, THE FEARFUL CHILD, ARE YOU THERE?
Somebody is saying something. He's
talking to me. He's something big.
“SOMETHING BIG” TALK TO ME. ...
WHAT IS HE SAYING?
Let me speak through your voice. (“He”
said this to Gabriella.)
OKAY BIG THING... WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
I'm hurting you. I can see it. I
punched you (GORDON) in the face.
My head hurts. (Of course “Big” had
not actually touched me.)
WHAT HAD I DONE? WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME?
I don't know.
(I decided to aggravate the
situation.) PUNCH ME AGAIN.
(Gabriella moved her face from side to side.)
I want to kill you.
HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME? WHAT
YOU ARE GOING TO HIT ME WITH A PIPE?
ARE YOU? (Gabriella
nodded, and then laughed loudly.) WHY
DID YOU LAUGH?
Because you are dead.
WHO IS DEAD?
WHO KILLED ME?
(I wondered which specific entity or ego-child was involved.)
WHAT IS YOUR NAME?
was delighted to find we had got into Gabriella's own unconscious, angry mind,
and even more delighted that Jake had not returned from the Land of Light.)
WHY DID YOU KILL ME, GABRIELLA?
Because you make my head hurt, and you won't leave me alone.
I'm kicking you in the face too! (Here, Gabriella laughed.)
KICK ME SOME MORE. HAVE FUN! (I
wanted to intensify her anger, and lead in to the next question.)
WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?
You make my head hurt!
HOW DO I DO THAT?
You put me in here inside myself and I don't like it.
I can't get out.
WHAT IS INSIDE YOUR HEAD THAT YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
(It is always a good idea to feed
back the content of that type of comment.)
It just feels terrible.
BECAUSE YOU ARE ANGRY? (She
had already said “kick” and “punch.”)
Big Thing says, “I want to get out of here.”
(“Big Thing” was a part of Gabriella whom she saw somewhat
objectively, but who, apparently, was not yet split off.
I decided it was time to dig deeper, so I went back to the only physical
object so far mentioned.)
GO TO THE TIME, AS A CHILD, WHEN YOU WANTED TO HIT SOMEONE WITH A PIPE.
1-2-3. WHERE ARE YOU? WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I want to kill all my brothers! (So
her brothers were, "all the people.")
WHAT DID YOUR BROTHERS DO? (Gabriella
had several brothers, and one sister.)
I just hate the hell out of them.
WHY DO YOU HATE THEM SO MUCH?
Because they have done stuff to me; like my brother was looking in the
shower at me one day. Another time he sprayed me with allergy spray.
He was stronger. They were all stronger and I couldn't hurt them.
They slapped my face. There's
one I don't want to hurt; he's my second brother.
WAS HE KIND?
He never touched me or bothered me.
(This was Fred.)
DID HE PROTECT YOU FROM THE OTHERS?
DID YOU EVER HIT A BROTHER WITH A PIPE?
No. There's so many people I
want to kill, my God.
GIVE ME THEIR NAMES.
Charles, Ronald, Richard and Fred. (These
were her brothers.) And I
wanted to kill Irene, my sister, when she was a baby.
That is why Ron hit me.
WHY DID YOU WANT TO KILL IRENE, YOUR OWN SISTER?
Because I have to take care of her.
(Gabriella had slipped into the present
tense, a sure sign she was reliving
WAS THAT A DIFFICULT CHORE?
Yes, I couldn't go anywhere, or do anything.
(Irene is 12 years younger than Gabriella.)
WHO ELSE DID YOU WANT TO KILL?
Anybody that would hurt me, or do something to me that I wouldn't like.
But I could never do anything to them.
(Gabriella is small bodied and
slight of build.)
YOU FELT HELPLESS... NO POWER? (This
merely restated Gabriella's comment.)
I was chicken shit. I still
am chicken shit!
DOES THAT MEAN YOU WERE AFRAID? (I
was not being naive; I wanted to get into Gabriella's fears.)
JUST STUPID, AFRAID, WEAK?
I should have the courage to
kill somebody. I know I can, but
I'm afraid of it.
If I let it out I am not going to be able to stop.
(It is worth commenting at this point that Gabriella had been carrying
Jake all her life, and no doubt Gabriella's rage at her family members had
become all mixed up with Jake's murderous feelings about his mother.)
YOU FELT THAT IF YOU LET THE RAGE OUT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP IT?
Uh-huh! But I think it would
make me feel so much better. (Note
that since the New York Jake/Maria remembering, it was now Gabriella's own
rage with her own family that had been released.)
OKAY, FEEL THE RAGE!
LET IT COME OUT! GO ON!
HIT SOMEBODY! GRAB THE PIPE
AND HIT SOMEONE! (Gabriella started laughing at the prospect of releasing her deep rage.)
I want to kill all those people. (She
grinned.) I felt sorry for some
ARE YOU GOING TO KILL HER TOO?
Yes, sure. (This
was said in a casual tone.)
AND YOUR FATHER?
AND YOUR UNCLE? (The one who sexually
abused Gabriella and her cousins.)
Sure, why not?
AND YOUR COUSINS?
Some of them.
ALL THE MEN?
Yes, but not Fred.
WILL YOU MOW THEM ALL DOWN? (I
was deliberately rousing Gabriella's ire, but my question was a direct
derivative of her own previous statements.)
No. I'd like to do it one by
one. I'd like to see all the blood
WHAT ABOUT CUTTING THEM UP, LIKE JAKE?
(I was still probing for any
residual connections with the New York episode and Jake.)
I'd like to cut their heads off——and their dicks.
HAS YOUR HEADACHE GONE? (Headaches
are often unreleased anger.)
It comes and goes.
WHAT WAS THE WORST THING CHARLES EVER DID TO YOU?
(Charles was her "meanest brother.")
He slapped me in the face, a lot of times.
And he's too strong. I
couldn't fight him. Sometimes I
wish I was Supergirl, and I would be strong and nobody could hurt me.
I'll beat their ass. I could
walk in the dark with no fear.
YOU CAN BE SUPERGIRL WITH "A COURSE IN MIRACLES."
(Gabriella was a student of
But "A Course in
Miracles" doesn't let me kick ass!
NO, YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE.
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE IT IS ALL IN THE PAST.
YOUR BROTHERS CANNOT HIT YOU NOW.
Yes, if they want to they can, and I can't kill them.
YOUR MOM AND DAD DID NOT PROTECT YOU?
They hit me too!
THAT'S A LOT OF HITTING! (Throughout
this session Gabriella's fists were tightly clenched.)
THE HEADACHE IS YOUR UNEXPRESSED ANGER.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
YOUR STOMACH PAIN IS YOUR FEAR OF VIOLENCE.
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
DID YOU EVER TRY TO LEARN KARATE? (I
was curious how far Gabriella had taken the Supergirl idea in to her practical
WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
No. I can't
hit anybody -- not even playing. I
(This did not surprise me.
Some physically abused people consciously
YOU MIGHT KILL THEM?
feared her lethal rage, deep down.)
HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET ALL THIS RAGE AND ANGER OUT?
I can't hurt people physically, right?
NO, NOT PHYSICALLY. BUT YOU
CAN GET ANGRY VERBALLY. YOU CAN
SWEAR AT THEM.
Isn't that wrong?
NO, NOT IN YOUR CASE AT THIS MOMENT.
CAN YOU SWEAR AT THEM? LET
ME HEAR YOU SWEAR! (In
a therapeutic setting the active release of violence can be very healing and
will not carry over into everyday life. Remember
Gabriella is saying and doing all this in a very deep hypnotic trance, in a
I don't know what you mean. (This
from a young lady who swears fluently and frequently. I decided to try a more physical release of the rage.)
CHARLES IS STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU TIED TO A POST.
NOW TELL HIM WHAT YOU THINK OF HIM.
(Obviously, Gabriella's aggressor would have to be rendered helpless.)
"You are a goddamned faggot!"
He hates the word “faggot.” (Gabriella
grinned.) He's a closet case.
He would kill me if he could get away.
I've got to call him one day and tell him he's a goddammed faggot.
(Gabriella laughed delightedly.)
OKAY, OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS THINK OF CHARLES TIED TO THAT POST.
HE CAN'T GET AWAY. I WANT
YOU TO HURL VERBAL ABUSE AT HIM.
I can't hit him?
NO. THAT WOULD MAKE YOU JUST
LIKE HIM IF YOU HIT HIM. JUST
VERBAL ABUSE. CAN YOU DO THAT? (Verbal
abuse is a slightly more mature level of aggression than is physical attack and
I wanted Gabriella to keep moving up the maturational
levels of that drive.)
this point I awakened Gabriella telling her she would remember everything that
had transpired, or been said, during the session. I also explained to her that her aggression had been locked
up in Jake, in all this childhood persecution and in her feelings of
helplessness within the very family that was supposed to protect her.
I further explained that by feeling
very angry now her angry ego-child would rapidly grow
up and that in the process her anger would eventually be transformed into determination, willpower, high ambition,
forcefulness and dedication, which are the highest
maturational levels of aggression. This progressive maturation of aggression from violence to steadfast dedication is a
key therapeutic and transformational life process. All spiritual masters have
subsequent sessions Gabriella went through a past life rape, a past life in
which she was insane and killed her baby by beating it against the wall.
She was also depossessed of several additional stray entities.
Toward the end of the series of sessions Gabriella anchored onto her own
guides who eventually told her where she must live and what work she should do.
By this time she was free of all medication except a tiny dose of Elavil,
and even that was subsequently stopped.
year later Gabriella wrote to me to say she was "95 percent cured" and
enjoying a life free of fear. In
1993 Gabriella came back again to visit and confirmed to me she was
"cured" and that none of the symptoms had ever returned.
How many schizophrenics take strong medications and live unhappy lives
with constant voices when a professional change of philosophy and new skills on
the part of psychotherapists might help them be free? The onset of schizophrenia
occurs mostly during adolescence and young adulthood, and that is when these
therapeutic techniques are most beneficial.]
Greek dinner went down very well, literally and figuratively, with Elizabeth and
Alicia. He served it with a retsina wine but switched quickly to a California
claret when both women made faces and claimed the Greek wine was contaminated
guess it’s an acquired taste,” he agreed. “The pine wood casks give it
that resinous flavor. I grew up with it, always watered down for us kids, of
course, so I love it. You two drink the cabernet and I will finish the retsina.”
three were what Gordon Koan would call “natural talkers” so the evening flew
by as they exchanged stories from the past and anecdotes of their travels, often
with much gaiety and openness. Both Tel and Elizabeth acknowledged inside
themselves, though not yet verbally to each other, the growing affection and
sexual bonding between them. In the case of Alicia, however, Tel, who was a
mature person regarded her as the wise and gifted teenager she was, but he felt
very little sexual attraction there. Over the years Tel had enjoyed steady
relationships with several self-sufficient women around his own age. Twice he
had been tempted to marry but a tiny, inner voice always warned him against it.
Now here was Elizabeth, a brilliant beauty who approximated his ideal, with a
smart, ready-made daughter long since out of diapers, thank God. When Tel cocked
his head to listen to his inner voice he heard no warning, only faint cheers of
affirmation, of approval.
after agreeing to meet next weekend in the spa, Tel kissed Alicia goodbye on the
cheek, but Elizabeth on the mouth. He was rewarded with a soft tongue which
brushed his lips and an extra firm hug, both of which lingered long after the
two women had left.
Waverley arrived ten minutes early for the next meeting and was delighted to
find Joan Cubero already there perusing Gordon’s bookshelves. She turned to
him with a pleasant smile which lit up her large, slightly tilted, brown eyes.
certainly has a lot of unusual books doesn’t he? I mean look at this row here,
everything from Socrates to Sartre, and over there he has a science library.”
glanced toward the kitchen where Gordon was busy preparing teas and coffee for
Ever since I’ve known Gordon——we met years ago in London——he’s had
his nose in a book, and if you will pardon my pun he knows
his stuff inside out. I’m a physicist, but sometimes I think, outside my own
field, Gordon knows more science than I do. In his office he has a whole wall of
psychology and parapsychology books and he’s read all those too.”
and Sean continued chatting as the others arrived. Gordon called from the
kitchen that the tea and coffee, caf or decaf, were ready and to “come and get
it,” so they all helped themselves to a cup and sat down.
you all read the paper about Gabriella?” Gordon asked, “and, if so, what
were your reactions? Rob, would you like to go first.”
be honest I found all that past-life rigmarole hard to swallow even though your
technique seems to have worked——can’t deny that. I’d be interested to
hear what Sean thinks as he’s the skeptical scientist.” Rob turned his head
in Sean’s direction.
this time you have gone far too far
out on a limb. You expect me to believe in ghosts, and hauntings and all this
American Halloween type of nonsense? Leave all that spook hocus-pocus to the
‘X-Files’ and Stephen King.” Sean took pleasure in needling his friend
about his, “crazy world view.”
you for your valuable scientific analysis, Sean. Most helpful!” responded Gordon good-naturedly. “What do you
think as a teacher, Cloesha? Does it all sound like a Grimms’ Fairy Tale to
after what happened to Frank. If Maori shamans can reappear alive across the
centuries right in our own garden, I’m open to anything. What were
Shakespeare’s words in Hamlet about someone’s philosophy?”
piped up. “We just did Hamlet last semester, and I had to memorize lots of it.
Didn’t he say something like, ‘There are more things in heaven and earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in our philosophy.’ Is that it?”
deserves an A+. What a memory you have,” said Cloesha admiringly. “By the
way, Alicia, remind me afterwards to ask you if you will baby-sit the rabble for
us … sorry folks, but I might forget to ask her later. Anyway, Shakespeare put
it in a nutshell as far as I’m concerned. We think we know what life is all
about but, as my kids sometimes put it, ‘We don’t know shit!’”
my sentiment as well,” maintained her husband. “I think to date, we humans
have acquired a lot less than one percent of God’s Knowledge.
Joan, you are the pivotal person in this matter. Let’s have your
glanced around with an anxious look, and hesitated briefly. “I just don’t
know what to think. Gordon has claimed that nothing in our lives happens by
chance or accident, and that we are all karmically linked in some way. If he is
correct then that rapist and I are somehow
connected, like Gabriella and Jake. Not only that, but this rape connection must
have a real significance for my mental health and personality development.
Certainly, I had not thought there could be anything of value to me in it. That
goes against all I ever learned as a child and, later, professionally. It’s
much simpler ethically to see everything in terms of polarities such as right or
wrong, good or evil, lawful or law-breaking, or guilty or not guilty. I’m very
next asked Elizabeth to speak but all she said was, “I pass,” so he turned
as you maintain, Gordon, there are
many levels and qualitative degrees of mind-development, if ‘possession’ is
possible even across lifetimes, if all
human minds are linked and intermixed in terms of perpetual, emotional
relationships and interwoven destinies, and if nothing ever happens randomly,
then all my life’s work in philosophy has just become meaningless.”
picked up on Tel’s theme quickly. “That would also be true for all science,
Tel. Gordon, your mumbo-jumbo ideas would demolish the ‘standard model’
completely and we have any amount of solid proof that it is true.”
exclaimed Gordon, “Just imagine that! I’ve just disposed of all law, all
philosophy and all science with one small case study and its implications. What
an achievement! I somehow think I’ve torn apart many traditional theologies
and religious beliefs as well.”
can include most of conventional medicine in your demolition sweep, Gordon,”
interjected Mary Ringly, “because if, quite apart from MSG, many headaches are
caused by suppressed anger, and if schizophrenia can, in some cases, be caused
by possession by other beings, who knows where such a bizarre medical philosophy
apologize in advance, Mary, for what I am about to say, but I think it will
result in many more permanent cures and, in the longer run, a much better prevention
of disease and accidents. The Masters and Avatars tell us that all human
diseases and disorders are caused by both conscious and unconscious fears and
angers in a wide variety of guises——for example, rage, stress, worry and
abuse. That is why it is possible, in specific cases, for terminal cancers to
disappear overnight. If one clears out the ego polarities (both positive and
negative), as in Gabriella’s case, dramatic healings can occur. If we clear
out the whole ego, major spiritual transformations occur. That is my
profession——I’m an ego-dismantler
because when egos are dismantled and
let go, it results in very beneficial repercussions in every area of life. And,
now, even Jake is mending in the Light.”
was curious. “What exactly is ego-dismantling,
Gordon, and what has it got to do with ego-children?”
Elizabeth, what I call ego-children, other therapists may call latent
sub-personalities, infancy/childhood emotional complexes, neurotic trends,
id/libido fixations, or regressive childhood ego states. The many, erudite
labels do not matter, so I invented the terms ‘ego-child’ and
‘ego-children’ to cut through the psychological jargon. The terms are also
generic enough in meaning to cover every type of inner ‘child’ from a
walled-off (dissociated) multiple personality at one extreme to, at the other
extreme, a fully conscious childlike part of us that, say, likes to enjoy a fun
birthday party. But, before I give examples of specific ego-children, let me
affirm that other entities, like Jake,
who partly possess people’s ego-minds, and/or their bodies, are not, I repeat not, ego-children. Earthbound, possessing entities are other real
mind-people who no longer have bodies of their own. Such an entity makes
use of the living body of another
person and usually manipulates his
host’s ego-mind (as in Gabriella’s case) to achieve his own continuing
ego-agenda. Thus, for example, an earthbound, alcoholic entity named Al, who has
recently died, will seek out and possess an actual alcoholic person still living
in an actual body. Let’s call the person whom Al is possessing Holly. Al,
then, possesses Holly, that is he dominates her, so that he, as a separate
person, can share the doubtful enjoyment of intoxication from inside the body of
Holly. Furthermore by nudging Holly’s addicted
ego-child, Al can frequently persuade Holly to ‘have another drink.’
Thus, to put it in Alcoholics Anonymous language they become co-dependent, so now we can call the pair of them ‘Alcoholly.’”
Ringly choked on his coffee, while Sean groaned loudly and raised his eyes to
the ceiling. Cloesha covered her face with her hands but Alicia laughed merrily.
apologize,” smiled Gordon, without looking at all contrite. “Cloesha can
send my impish ego-child to the
you really have an impish ego-child?” asked Joan.
the Jungians would call it the trickster archetype. The trickster ego-child can
be the Fool, Clown, practical Joker, Con-man, Hoaxer, Magician, Deceiver, or
Imposter. The Trickster ego-child always want to ‘win’ something from you
by trickery in the widest sense of
that term. It may be a million dollar swindle, or merely surprised laughter. In
Sean’s case I’ll settle for a groan!”
was intrigued. “Tell us about some other ego-children, Gordon. I know I have a
Joker in me and she’s an impish one like yours!”
about the clinging ego-child, the one
who is in constant need of affection and attention. We find they are dominant in
people who have been separated from their mothers in infancy before five years
of age. Or the abandoned, deserted ego-child caused by early divorce or the
death of a parent. Then there are the abused, or hurt, or neglected, or rejected
cluster of ego-children. And almost everyone of us has a victim
ego-child who is often allied with the guilty, self-blaming ego-child who sees
punishment as a temporary relief. And how about the perfectionist,
please-everybody, exhibitionist show-off group of ego-children who constantly
seek attention or praise from inside or out.”
Alicia seemed to be exhilarated by Gordon’s catalog of ego-children. The rest
of the group was subdued, as if he had struck many responsive chords. “In
Gabriella’s case you mentioned rage
as a key ego-child. Do most of us have rage?”
certainly do. Almost everyone has the ego-child called ‘rage’ who sits in a
locked cage deep in our minds. The cage is made by our fearful ego-child who
fears severe punishment by the projected parental
authority system, including their
ego-version of God, if ‘rage’ escapes and kills. Terrorists are people who
get around the fear by letting their ‘rage’ kill anonymously, like the
Unibomber guy did. Be clear though, that ‘rage’ is a quite different
ego-child from the everyday, irritable, angry
ego-child. The rage ego-child when let loose, or when he breaks out of the cage,
wants to kill, burn, riot and destroy violently, and while he is doing it he is
usually on a ‘high’. Most often, some symbol or form of authority is the direct or indirect target of the violence.
‘Rage’s’ trademark is violence,
bombs, fire, assault rifles, etc.”
can we do to control or heal the rage-child?” asked Joan Cubero who had a
professional interest in the answer.
people advocate a stronger cage, more suppression, more police, longer sentences
for those who vent their rage on society. Yet the twofold answer is surprisingly
simple. We have to give ‘rage’ a legitimate voice, a legitimate, fair avenue
of genuine arbitration. We also have to demonstrate to ‘rage’ that we do
care about him (or her) and love him
(or her). Unfortunately most people see love as ‘giving in’ and not as a human entitlement. ‘Rage’ will always
be with us until we Love him away!”
can’t mean we let this ‘rage’ guy just run free to do whatever he
likes?” exclaimed Joan.
I am not saying that. Certainly, adult
terrorists, mass killers and the like must remain incarcerated while we Love
them even if it takes their natural lifetime. And by Love I don’t
mean we indulge them, but as we Love them we must allow them their human dignity
if they are going to change. And they do need a voice to which we must listen.
You don’t get riots in prisons with a genuine grievance-hearing system.”
looked dubious. “But most prison systems are built on punishment, fear and
repression, and most criminals are superb con-men of your Trickster type. They
will pretend to ‘love’ or be ‘good’ in order to get released.”
I am not suggesting early release or
conditional releases. If anything I would tighten up the present system. I am not
altering the mechanics of how the prison system or the courts operate, except
perhaps to tighten up on parole. And
when I talk about Love I do not mean
indulgences, privileges and other perks——I mean Love, dignity, and to have
therapy available to those who want
it, and the opportunity for legitimate
grievances to be heard fairly, and remedied.”
probably, you will have to change many of the bureaucratic officials, wardens
and guards,” said Joan.
we do what large corporations do. We offer early retirement, golden handshakes,
retraining programs, etc. Somewhere inside every guard and prisoner there is
a Heart of Gold. We have to find those Hearts or violence and other crimes will
continue unabated for another 5,000 years. If punishment, per se, had worked
over the last 5,000 years, including the present, we would all be angels by now!
Obviously it does not work. Even if,
as in the middle ages, you chop off hands, flog criminals, and put them in
public stocks, punishment, per se, does not
work. It just makes ‘rage’ boil away in his cage with more and more hate
for both Authority, and the Society that backs it. After all, the
authoritative use of fear can only control individuals or groups up to the point
where they are willing to accept the
punishment, or where they are not willing to die
to get revenge. You cannot control people with fear if they don’t
care about punishment. And, Joan, while we are on the topic of punishment
let me emphasize that the death penalty when carried out promptly releases the
killers to reincarnate quickly so they can come back and start murdering and
torturing all over again. If we kept them alive, at least some of them might
change and heal. Always remember, no one ever
dies. Even if you happen to believe they ‘die’ and ‘go to hell’, why
consign them there when there is a possibility that some could be saved? We can
only change people with Love, not
repression, fear and punishment. Don’t treat them as trash! Keep the system
the way it is, even tighten it and without indulgences, but do inject Love and Dignity to bring about Real change.”
does fear fit into all this, Gordon?” asked Rob.
is everywhere throughout all of society and every society. Fear and anger are
just opposite sides of the same coin. In case you haven’t realized it, first,
let me point out that anxiety, worry, stress, panic, terror, phobias,
apprehension, uneasiness, dread, loathing, suspicion, nervousness, timidity,
etc., are all forms and degrees of fear.
Fear then is the basic ego-drive we have evolved or invented for the purpose of
ego and body preservation or survival. That is a fact we are all taught in
school. What we are not taught is that
fear and anger complement each other as opposites, like cold and hot——which
are both aspects of temperature. Fear and anger are always in a ratio to each
other like cold and hot. The hotter it is the less cold we are and vice versa.
The more angry we are the less we seem to fear, the more fear the less apparent
anger. When they are about equal we become edgy, uptight, stressed, touchy, even
dithery. Of course, the combination of the two can range from very mild feelings
to very powerful emotions.”
to the point, Gordon. We know all this, so what’s the bottom line?” Sean was
getting edgy himself.
Alicia may not have known all this about fear and aggression, Sean, and I have
to speak to everyone. The point is that the
ego sees its own protection and safety (as well as the body’s) in its
practical use of its own fear and
anger. Fear makes us safe by telling
us to lock our doors, and anger makes
us safe by telling us to own a handgun to blow the feared intruder away. Fear
makes us safe by passing (more or less democratically) all kinds of protective,
restrictive laws, and anger makes us
safe by hiring police, guards and the courts (as our surrogates) to enforce them. But as our fear, and anger, and the need for safety
increase we need more and more laws, and locks, and police, and handguns to keep
us safe. We also need more and more alcohol, medications like Prozac, food,
drugs, escapes and distractions to tranquilize our fears, our anger and our
stress artificially. Many, who cannot cope
emotionally with the tension, fall ill. Besides, almost everyone feels some
measure of depression, or worry as the result of the ubiquitous burdens of fear,
guilt, anger and rage, all of which occur in ourselves, our homes, our
localities and in all parts of the world.”
the ego with its fears and angers causes all this conflict and pain, how can we
rid ourselves of it?” asked Mary Ringly. “Why not simply medicate the whole
world with Lithium, Prozac, Elavil and Valium?”
ego would love that, Mary. Then it could hide behind ‘chemical imbalances’
forever. Medications for the ego are, like alcohol and street drugs, a temporary
‘fix’. Anyway, all too often, they cause addiction, or they gradually lose
their effectiveness, or both. Gabriella would still
be on all those drugs if she had not had psychospiritual therapy.”
was exasperated. “Are you proposing we should all have what you call
‘psychospiritual therapy’ to purge us of our egos?”
those with serious or persistent psychological problems need psychospiritual
therapy, Mary. Fortunately for the rest of us who are relatively normal and
healthy there is an effective
Ego-Dismantling Method you, yourself, can carry out at home.”
have it, Gordon,” Alicia demanded, “I want to start young! Out, out, damned
smiled. “Okay, I’ll explain it to all of you in an easy step-by-step format.
It’s easy to understand but, for it to work you must follow through on a daily
basis. Are you all willing to try it?”
receiving the group’s assurance, including Sean’s, that they would all
follow through, Gordon continued to describe his Ego-Dismantling
of all, this method should be implemented, preferably sitting or lying down
alone, in a private place such as a bedroom with the door closed and with the
telephone disconnected. If you are very anxious, another responsible person can
be with you, but they must be silent, sit still and not touch you unless you
ask, and you are not to request that help unless you feel it is a life or death
emergency. In that case get
professional psychotherapeutic help immediately. Any questions so far?”
Cubero had one. “Very occasionally I get severe panic attacks. What about
a cardiac specialist once told me he had never heard of anyone in normal health
dying of a ‘panic attack’ as defined by the medical and psychiatric
profession. Check with your physician and heart specialist first and if they
declare you physically healthy then, when the panic comes, ride through it using
the ego-dismantling method. All suicidal, psychotic and manic-depressive (i.e.,
bipolar) people must find professional
were no more questions so Gordon went on to step two. “Second, withdraw all
your projections from other people. Do your best to take back inside yourself
all projected feelings, judgments, blames, denials, fears, angers, hates,
resentments, worries, loneliness, etc. Do this even if the other person does
have a genuine problem! You have to take these ego-feelings and ego-emotions
back into your own mind because you cannot do
anything about healing these feelings and emotions as long as you are
projecting the fear, anger, blame and causation outside yourself. It takes two
to tangle but you can only do
something about your side of the emotional ego dance.”
asked, “What about a generalized, emotional pain?” He was staring at the
carpet as he spoke.
was amazed that Sean could have admitted that to himself and the group, and he
glanced at him with admiration. “If you feel emotional pain try to identify
the ‘hurt’ as a very specific
ego-child feeling such as abandonment, repressed anger, or guilt and bring it
into the open, okay?”
what about our other conglomerations of inner ego-children?” asked Cloesha.
“Come to think of it, I have a rabble of them inside and outside!”
ego-children and all the other ego-emotions which you have taken back inside
yourself in step two are included in step three which is to own
them all. Say to them all, ‘You are mine, not someone else’s. I own
you emotion, I own you ego-child, you
are mine in me and only I can do
something about you.’ Any questions?”
came back again, “I can’t blame my boss, my girlfriend or even my father or
my mother? Not even the President?”
Once you blame anyone from a person to
a group of people, you place (that is, project) the cause outside your own mind where you, personally, can do nothing
about it. So, no blame. Never blame
others and never blame yourself. We have to acknowledge the cause is inside
ourselves in order to change things permanently, to remedy our
own inner distress. If you are truly
abused by a spouse, a boss or other tormentor, by all means separate from them,
but you must also be sure to uncover your
part of the cause inside yourself
in order to heal truly. Otherwise, sooner or later, you will find another
abusive boss or partner.”
so now I have owned my own ego-child emotions and feelings of the moment, and
stopped blaming others,” announced Cloesha, “and I’m all alone in my room.
What comes next, Gordon?”
yourself with those emotions. The key here, in this fourth step, is to let
the specific ego-child emotions and any other
feelings of guilt or blame, flood through you as you ‘sit squarely’
right in the middle of them without letting fear stop them or divert them. If
you fear feelings of fear or panic,
flood yourself with all your fears and
walk through them. Drown in them. You will not
die or go insane. You will heal. Let
the emotions wash through you and over you. Welcome
them, invite them to come forth into full
I think of the other person, I mean like my boss, to help me keep the emotions
flowing?” grinned Sean who was beginning to think he might get a kick out of
may, but do not get into an inner
argument with them, or some other projection onto them. Picture them inwardly as
a photograph for the sole, temporary purpose of feeling and owning your own
ego-emotions. If you are dealing with these emotions internally and privately as
your own with the genuine motive of healing
yourself directly (and others indirectly), the photograph idea will work.”
Gordon looked around and saw that Elizabeth had a question.
tend to get physical and act out when I let my feelings go,” said Elizabeth.
“At a certain point I will cross a threshold and become uninhibited. Can I
throw things?” Tel, as he listened to her appeared rather startled. He turned
his head in Gordon’s direction, awaiting his answer.
is okay to get physical if it helps, but you must not damage yourself, or
anyone, or anything. Buy yourself a foam bat to beat the bed, or a foam ball to
throw at the wall. Cry copiously whenever you want to. You can also clench your
teeth, stamp your feet on a pillow, shake with fear, pale with panic, gasp for
breath, scream into a cushion, swear richly without censorship and let your
like fun. You heard him, Mom!” Alicia interjected. “I have permission to let
it all slosh out. I never thought of doing it that way, Gordon.”
now you have permission, but there is more yet. The fifth step is initiated when
your emotions first begin to wane,
even though you are still trying to keep them flowing. Getting to this point may
take from five minutes to an hour or two. At this time closely examine your ego-wants
and ego-needs and seek out what it is that your ego-children want,
or do not want from the other person, or group. It may be an ego-want or
need the other person or group is
blocking or not giving, such as money, affection, sex, attention, or it may be
something they want your ego to have
which you do not want, such as sex,
boxing you in, or punishment. Search
for all these underlying ego-wants, needs, blockages and unmet desires deep down
inside your ego-mind while your
emotions are still flowing. By doing this we are really seeking out the opposite
polarity feeling/need of each of the ego-child emotions we are experiencing.
Always bring these two opposite polarities together to cancel each other out, in
a sense. For example, the insecure,
afraid ego-child seeks security, which
is also an ego-child emotion. The deserted, unloved
ego-child seeks to be hugged, wanted
and loved like a child. So
bring the two opposing polarities together and hold them side-by-side (like
Siamese twins) in a ‘central’ place. Then realize
that all these ego-wants, ego-needs,
and frustration blockages and their opposite
ego-counterparts are coming from extensive past
programming, especially from the first 20 years of life, or 15 in your case,
Alicia. Note, also, that you may be afraid (for deep reasons of insecurity or
punishment) to psychologically step
through and past the other person or group, such as a parent, boss, spouse,
job, friend or family. If this is the
case go back and put that fear of
insecurity or punishment through the steps as well. Examples of this might be
(a) the fear of losing the ego-security of an established, but defunct,
relationship, or (b) the fear of losing a job.”
Ovalton, who had been listening intently all this while, now spoke up. “It
seems to me that anything, or anybody, or any organization that has power
over us, only does so because we fear
it! Is that correct?”
and once we cease fearing him, her,
them, or it, then he, she, they or it no longer have any power over us
whatsoever. If all fear leaves us
permanently, we will fear nothing on earth——or
off it for that matter. That is what this ego-dismantling process does for us;
eventually it rids us of our insecurities, fears and angers, and if we keep the
process going over the months, and maybe years, we can dismantle our egos
Tel realized that Gordon had just described a psychotherapeutic version of
Hegel’s Dialectic Method for resolving opposite concepts (in this case
polarized ego-child feelings and states) into a Higher Synthesis. His admiration for Hegel and Gordon went up several notches.
there any more steps, Gordon?” asked Frank.
two more. Step six consists of releasing
all these flowing ego-child emotions, feelings, wants and needs to Spirit, God,
the Self or some other Higher Power. In the case of my clients, I have them
visualize a spiritual bubble some four feet in diameter made of clear blue
plastic into which they can stuff all their ego-children, emotions, needs/wants,
etc. The walls of the bubble split when you push something through them, and
reseal as you withdraw your hand, leaving the polarized ego-child emotions and
wants inside. Once all these ego-child emotions and wants are inside the bubble
give the whole bubble including its sealed-in contents, to Spirit, or Whoever,
who will take it to the Light and throw it into that Light. Then the contents of
the spiritual bubble will be transformed and returned to you as Rays of Light.
Absorb those Rays because they have transformed fear into awe and wonder; anger,
hate and rage into determination and dedication; and guilt and blame into
Innocence and Love.”
Ringly was touched. “What beautiful imagery, Gordon. As you spoke I could feel
myself there with you. And the seventh step is …?”
seventh step is the most important one for true healing. When you have
absorbed the incoming Rays of Transformational Light, relax completely and allow
yourself to become calm. Then sink into your innermost spiritual place and be still as you Realize you are not
an ego, but an Eternal Mind-Being in
the Mind of God, a being whose only
need is to unite with the Universal Spiritual Love of God which exists deep
within you in limitless abundance. Always remember you are not
(in Reality) a human being; you are only
was silent for half a minute so Gordon continued. “I have printed out a full
account of this Ego-Dismantling Method so that you can have copies to take home
and apply it. It’s getting late, now, so let’s wind up this meeting with a
short meditation on Love, the Love in which we are all immersed eternally.”
five minutes in the Silence each member of the group hugged the others
spontaneously and felt the Love flow. It was not until they were in the elevator
that Cloesha and Frank asked Alicia if she could baby-sit their children at a
dollar over the going hourly rate. With Elizabeth’s permission it was agreed
that Frank would pick her up at 6:30 PM and have her home by midnight. Alicia
realized she was going to miss seeing Tel but that, she decided, was a small
sacrifice if it provided Tel and her Mom with the opportunity to enjoy each
the way to their cars Sean asked Joan Cubero if she would dine out with him at
the weekend, adding that he knew of, “a smashing little French restaurant in
DC.” Joan agreed. She sensed Sean was inherently a gentle man, and certainly
she needed more companionship in her lonely life. While the Ringly’s supplied
her need for “family” and while Mary Ringly was a close confidante, Joan now
felt she needed a male friend. Anyway,
Sean seemed a good candidate, especially as he was way outside her own humdrum
legal profession. Joan was unsure about her sexual feelings which had never been
pronounced, but perhaps this new relationship could remain platonic until
next day Mary Ringly called Cloesha to ask if she knew of a competent tutor for
her son, Donald, who had just been diagnosed by the school psychologist as
having mild dyslexia.
was always a slow, painstaking reader but his teachers always said he was bright
and would grow out of it, and that perhaps he was a little under motivated, by
which they meant ‘lazy.’ And all the while the poor child has had dyslexia.
Rob was angry but it didn’t help. Anyway now we want to find the best tutor
I know one of the best in Maryland and she won’t even charge you.”
you are kidding me. Who is it, a computer program?”
way! It’s me. I’ve always tutored a few learning disability students in my
non-existent spare time, just to keep my hand in.”
you will take on Don——for nothing? But I won’t allow that.”
I’ll let you in on a secret. Frank and I are wealthy and it would embarrass me
to take your money. Many years ago I did a workshop and was trained in a
reading, writing, spelling and language program which has been shown is several
studies to raise reading, spelling and language skills dramatically. I’m an
expert, and I’m sure Donald will improve quite quickly. He will have to come
here during school hours, preferably for two 40-minute sessions a week at, say,
have him there. The principal is intimidated by Rob who was very upset about
Don, so she will release him for two half-mornings I’m sure. Anyway if he’s
not learning in school they can’t
object. We thought of a private school, but Rob likes to tell the Senate his
sons are in the public school system. It’s all ‘image’ you know.”
two women agreed tentatively on Tuesdays and Thursdays and Mary agreed to fax
the psychologist’s report immediately.
Ovalton’s car pulled into the Archer driveway not far from the Woolton Parkway
in Rockville at 6:35 PM that Saturday where Alicia was sitting on the steps,
waiting. During the 20-minute drive back to Potomac down Falls Road Frank
explained that Cloesha’s mother, who lived near them, could sit with the
children on Wednesday nights for the meetings at Gordon Koan’s apartment, but
she was unable to do so on Saturdays. Frank went on to describe each of the
Ovalton children to her. Bill, he explained, was thirteen and fairly reliable
but, while Bill was able to look after himself, Jeff, who was a year younger,
was not so mature. Cloe was ten and a little mother, but still too young to look
after her two sisters, Athena, seven, and Frances, three. “Your job Alicia is
mainly to care for Athena and Frances, and to call us if there should be any
emergencies. We will be at a dinner party at the Senator’s house, so here is
the Ringly phone number in case you need it, okay? Bill will tell you where
everything is in the house.”
is their bedtime?” asked Alicia.
Frances has her bath at seven, then Cloe will read her a story in bed which will
put her to sleep,” Frank chuckled. “On Saturday nights, the others go to bed
at ten o’clock but the younger ones may fall asleep before then. Do you play
chess? Bill is very good at it.”
never learned. Perhaps Bill can teach me.”
had no problems with “the rabble” that evening and when Frank and Cloesha
returned at 11:30 PM she and Bill were deep into their second game of chess.
Alicia stared at the clock in disbelief. “Bill, you should have gone to bed
over an hour ago!”
okay,” smiled Cloesha. “If you play chess with Bill he can stay up.”
good, Mom, and quick. A few more games
and she might beat me. Cool! Dad, I told her to get that Chess Tutor program on
CD-ROM and practice with it for next time.”
thinking, son. I have some in the warehouse. I’ll give you one on Wednesday, Alicia.”
thanks! Next time I come, Bill, watch out! I’ll cream you, brother!”
felt very relaxed. Over dinner at the French restaurant Sean had put all his
cards openly on the table and she was almost happy.
we are both 40,” he had said, “and there is no need for us to be coy or play
games. For some deep reason I feel I have known you forever, even if I don’t
believe in past lives.”
I feel that as well, which is why I agreed to see you, Sean. But I admit I am a
don’t be. I know you went through hell with that sod——what a
nightmare——so I want you to call all
the shots in this friendship, okay?” Sean leaned forward earnestly peering
into her dark brown eyes to gauge her reaction.
you really mean that, Sean, can you be a close friend without sex?” Joan was
pushing a little pile of petite pois around her plate as she spoke.
I can. I’ll find other outlets, but Joan, let me suggest something——that
we don’t make any rules and regulations that do not automatically sunset in a
laughed outright, something Sean had not seen her do before, even at Gordon’s
jokes. “You sound like a legislator, Dr. Waverley. How would you like to be
scientific adviser to Senator Ringly?”
save me from all politicians, Judge Cubero. No thanks! Just let’s say there
will be no sex until you say otherwise
and even then you would have to
request it step by little step, in just noticeable increments.”
you sound like a scientist. Is it all right for me to say, right away, that
non-sexual hugs and, perhaps cuddles, are allowed? I mean we do all hug one
another ‘hello’ and ‘goodbye’ at Gordon’s.”
and cuddles are great with me but I have to beg the right to excuse myself if my
thermometer begins to rise.”
burst out laughing again, then she became more serious. “I just want you to
know, Sean, that the reason for all this is not because I’m a prude or a
puritan——I’m not, even though my mother was. But even before the rape I
had a low sexual drive which I attribute to my father’s and mother’s
beatings. I believe I was turned off as a child. I didn’t even know about
sexual intercourse until I was sixteen. I was always told it was God who put
babies inside mommies. At home and in the convent schools of San Antonio sex was
never mentioned, not once.”
the dessert of rich chocolate cake with cream filling Sean related some stories
about his own upbringing in London. His family’s upstairs Bayswater flat on
Cleveland Square had looked out over a tiny, fenced park surrounded with rows of
once stately homes long since converted to rental apartments and rooms. He had
been an only child of a local postmaster, his father, and a home-based freelance
typist, his mother. Sean’s life had been uneventful with much of it devoted to
quiet study. He had devoured children’s encyclopedias like Arthur Mee’s
until his father, in desperation, bought him a secondhand set of Brittanica
which captivated him for years. Only as a science undergraduate at Birbeck
College had Sean discovered women. Thereupon he went to Foyles bookshop in
Charing Cross Road and bought every book on sex education and technique he could
find. This liberated him to a whole new world of parties and passion.
“Fortunately I was allergic to alcohol——even one glass of wine would give
me a migraine——so I was able to devote myself to the enjoyment of
love-making as an art form. My partners were almost always professional women in
responsible jobs who valued their single state, though with some of them I did
have long-term relationships.”
smiled faintly as she speared a chunk of chocolate icing. “So I can expect you
to, ‘love me and leave me,’ as my father would say. I think Dad secretly
wanted your kind of life, Sean, instead of marriage to my mother.”
I’m not the Don Juan type who is just out to rack up lots of quick conquests.
In my case it’s more that I don’t like rules, conventions, obligations,
commitments or any other duty-bound limits——unless you have children.
Freedom is freedom! If a couple stay
together it should be because they both
want it that way, not because some social rule or silly sense of obligation says
they must. Usually the person in a
relationship who wants a ‘strong commitment’ is the person who is the most
emotionally insecure, fearful and dependent of the two.”
looked up, startled. “I always heard it was the other way around. It is the
people who can not commit to a solid
relationship who are emotionally immature.”
think that is true for the, ‘here today, gone tomorrow’ type of person.
Let’s confine our sample to relatively normal, ‘mature’ people and exclude
the fly-by-nights. We will also exclude families with children wherein both
parents should think seriously before divorcing. Of course, if the marriage is
damaging the children then divorce is essential.”
a lot of exclusions, Sean, but go on
… we will limit this discussion to ‘normal’ couples without children,
married or not, by order of the bench.”
you, your Honor. Then I will now summarize and rest my case! My point is that if
two people genuinely love each other they will want to stay together even when each gives the other the total
freedom to leave if they wish to do so. Anything less than that is threat and
coercion, however subtle and persuasive it may be.”
idealistic stuff but in practical terms it will precipitate many broken
exactly what I meant when I labeled it as ‘insecurity’ and ‘dependence’.
In those situations we use the other
person as a sustaining source of ego-love, as Gordon would say, and as a support
or crutch against emotional insecurity.”
the whole human race is insecure, but
let’s ask Gordon about it. I’m sure he’s got an answer.”
sure,” agreed Sean as he paid the check. During the short drive back to her
apartment Joan thanked him for the delicious dinner. It was only 10 PM so she
invited him up for a drink, then remembering his allergy suggested coffee or
tea. Sitting on the sofa next to Sean, she again felt very much at peace, as if
she had known him for centuries.
know, as you said before, Sean, if either of us believed in past-lives I would
swear we have had at least one together. Otherwise why do I feel we have been
feel the same way. It’s got to be chemistry——after all, there’s no other
explanation for it. We are our neurons
and hormones.” Sean was angled back comfortably into the corner of the
high-armed, buttoned sofa, lazily admiring the sculptured beauty of Joan’s
face and neck. A wise Mayan goddess, he decided, was the most fitting
description——without realizing he was idly contradicting his belief in human
would you mind if I lie back against you. I need to be held and comforted, and
told that my life is going to be okay.”
my pleasure, and my wish come true. That sounds trite, but I do mean it
opened his arms widely and she lay back with the back of her head against his
chest, placing her legs up on the sofa. Sean’s arms circled her waist under
her breasts, his fingers clasped against her stomach. “Comfy?” he asked
quietly, and she nodded against his chest as her eyes closed peacefully.
three minutes Joan was sleeping the first untroubled sleep she had had since the
rape. Sean could sense that she was beginning to heal and he was
“well-pleased” he was to be a part of it. Around midnight he eased himself
very slowly out from under her head and back and placed her head on a pillow he
found in the bedroom. Within twenty minutes he was on the Parkway speeding back
to Baltimore, all the time telling himself to remember to call Joan later in the
morning to ensure she was all right.
Alicia had left with Frank Ovalton, Elizabeth had taken a quick shower and
slipped into a voile cotton dress. She never wore a bra because she did not need
one, a detail she was hoping Tel would notice. “That should get his
attention,” said Elizabeth out loud as she examined herself in her full-length
definitely did, immediately she opened the front door. Tel decided she had the
artist’s touch as his gaze took in her pale yellow slip-dress and her minimal
makeup. They hugged each other tightly and kissed fondly as if to reaffirm, each
to the other, that their budding relationship was very real. Once reassured
Elizabeth took Tel’s hand and led him out to the screened patio where the
glass table was laid with shrimp cocktails, raw vegetable dips, bread rolls, a
seafood salad, fruit and tall Rhine wine glasses of her own design. The whole
table with its huge central bowl of flowers sparkled with the pastel,
light-filled colors of a sunny Mediterranean painting.
beautiful,” Tel said admiringly. “Leave it just like that and I’ll fly my
father in from ‘Frisco just to see it.”
a much better idea,” said Elizabeth impishly. “Let us fly to San Francisco
some long weekend and I’ll lay the table there——I’m very good at laying
tables, carpets, plans and darling men.”
laughed. “I bet! You’ve just got yourself a date. How about Labor Day?”
Tel began poking into each of the dips in turn with celery and carrot sticks.
have to check my schedule, but I think I’m free that weekend. Alicia can stay
with one of her schoolmates.”
Just like that.” Tel snapped his fingers. “It’s all arranged then. I’ll
order the tickets from my agent on Monday. It’s all on me. I’ll take the
Friday off so we can have four full days there, okay?”
Elizabeth glowed inside as she added mischievously, “But there’s one
condition, Tel, you will have to do a belly dance for me this evening.”
do better than that. I will teach you
to belly dance, so that in San Francisco you can not only set the tables but
gyrate for the customers.”
their light meal the two of them sat in the twilight sipping cherry brandy until
Elizabeth jumped up to switch on the underwater lights and air bubbles of the
whirlpool. In seconds she had stripped herself naked and was lowering herself
into the warm water before Tel realized what she was doing. It took him a little
more time, but not much more, to
extract himself from his clothes, dump them on the lounge chair and stride to
the spa. As Tel eased himself into the foam beside her, Elizabeth was gratified
to note that he was already at half-mast and still rising. Once he had settled
close against her with his arm around her shoulders, Elizabeth reached over,
gripped his hardness gently and began to stroke it rhythmically. Tel closed his
eyes and tilted his head back as delicious feelings coursed through him. With
her free hand Elizabeth caressed herself back and forth from the entrance folds
of her vagina to the sides of her clitoris. When she was ready she turned to
face him and knelt on the seat astride his thighs. For several seconds
Elizabeth, using her fingers, moved the tip of his erection in and around her
opening, then, with a shiver of excitement, she dropped down on him smoothly
taking him inside her all the way. Both of them stayed absolutely still in the
bubbling, warm water for a full minute to savor their first union——on earth.
Once Elizabeth began moving on him, the exquisite intensity of sensation mounted
rapidly in both of them, soon culminating in a long, convulsive climax of
mind-searing light. Elizabeth lay limply against Tel for some time knowing that
words were superfluous and would only break the continuing beauty of their
when the spa became too hot they uncoupled, got out, and dried each other
lovingly being very careful not to miss a single wet spot. Tel kept insisting
Elizabeth’s nipples and clitoris were still damp whereas she was sure there
were drops on the end of his penis which she must hold and wipe off. Then they headed for Elizabeth’s master
bedroom suite where, after a quick pee and shared wash, they climbed into bed
and made uninhibited love every which way for two hours.
Frank Ovalton’s car pulled into the circular driveway at midnight Alicia
noticed, with satisfaction, that Tel’s Camry was still parked in front of
their garage doors. After thanking Frank, Alicia bounced into the house
expecting a huggy welcome all round. Instead, silence. After exploring the main
rooms she put her ear to her mother’s bedroom door. More silence. Carefully
she turned the handle and opened the door a few inches to peer at the big bed.
On it she saw two entwined nude bodies deep in sleep. Alicia was overjoyed that
they had consummated their relationship. Closing the door noiselessly she went
through the house turning off the lights and starting the dishwasher. Reaching
the patio Alicia noticed the lighted whirlpool still bubbling in the darkness.
She was not at all sleepy but, rather, vaguely excited, so she removed her
clothes and slid into the relaxing, massaging flow from the jets. Her hands
brushed over her skin gradually arousing her body until she felt a sudden rush
of sensuality grip her. Images of naked males loving her filled her mind as she
stroked herself to orgasm, twice.
on earth is born with a functioning ego love-bucket,” Gordon was intoning in
his best lecturing voice. Joan and Sean had referred their question to him
about, “What is the nature of human ego-love between couples, as well as among
family members or friends?”
ego love-bucket,” he went on, “is about the size of a small child’s sand
pail and it hangs around our necks on a string down to the level of our hearts.
With it comes a small ladle similar to the kind used for soup. In addition, each
ego love-bucket also has a thin tube joining the bottom of the bucket to our
hearts and from our hearts it extends throughout our bodies and ego-minds. This
tube drains off enough ego-love ‘fuel’ from the bucket to keep us
functioning in our everyday lives, but only if, and when, there is sufficient
love in the bucket. At the time of our birth our ego love-bucket is only half full.”
is that?” asked Joan who had already decided hers had been empty at birth.
Joan, the kind of love which half fills the ego love-bucket is not Real Love. It
is an ego-substitute of the kind that goes for love on this planet. This false
love is highly conditional and for
almost all of us it remains so throughout our lives.”
broke in. “What is the little ladle for, Gordon? Is it to give and get this
pseudo-love?” She liked to use the vocabulary she was learning in high school.
We all use our ladle for the purpose of ladling ego-love from other people’s
love-buckets into our bucket, as well as to ladle ego-love into their buckets
when we feel we can spare some——or will receive some in return. Our major
motive, of course, is always to keep our
love-bucket as full as possible.”
still haven’t explained why all our buckets are only half-full at birth,”
interjected Joan somewhat impatiently.
It’s because we humans firmly believe there is a major shortage of love on this planet. We also know we cannot live without
love because we sense deeply that we will die of love-malnutrition if ego-love
or its many substitutes fade from our lives. Without hope of ego-love we become
desperate, depressed and full of despair. Much psychological research confirms
that statement. The love-starved ego-child inside each of us constantly cries
out for love, and feels lost and hopeless, or sometimes angry, when some form of
ego-love is not forthcoming from those around us. We are all co-dependent on
each other for our incoming supplies of ego-love from each others’
love-buckets, but when the ego-love is not ladled into our bucket by others we
may strive to extract it
from them in one form or another.”
presume mothers are the primary
ego-love givers and takers in infancy,” said Mary Ringly who saw them all the
time in her pediatric practice.
because even before the birth mothers are usually anticipating a beautiful new
source of love, the baby, with whom she can ladle copious amounts of ego-love
backwards and forwards. In the case of an unhappy mother or a cranky baby this
mutual exchange of ego-love from bucket to bucket may be disrupted to some
degree, then the relationship becomes damaged.”
breast feeding help?” asked Mary. “I always recommend it to pregnant and new
For the mother the breast and milk symbolize her ladling of ego-love into her
baby’s love-bucket, while the child’s pleasure, sucking, burps and satisfied
smiles fill the mom’s love-bucket with intense satisfaction. So do bathing,
lullabies, rocking and other ego-love interactions. This mutual bliss may last
for many months, until ….” Gordon spread his hands sideways with palms
that’s when all the unavoidable ‘no-no’s’ begin, isn’t it?” Cloesha
grinned ironically as if she knew all about the onset of “no-no’s.”
When the infant begins to assert his or her own individuality and wishes, these
clash with mother’s concerns and personal needs. Inevitably, control
issues begin to set in on both sides
of the relationship. Mother and child now begin to tussle about, ‘Who is the
boss of the love-buckets?’ and the back and forth ladling tends to slow down
and become erratic. Deprivation of
ego-love sets in as a means of manipulation and control. Mother and child both try it, and many people grow up using ego-love deprivation as a
manipulative method of controlling others. My ex-wife was like that!”
stared at Gordon in surprise. “You did not tell us you had been married
I thought I had. Anyway, the marriage was brief so perhaps I didn’t think it
important enough. No children. But let us get back to the ego love-buckets. As
children we usually set up ‘contracts’ with our mother and father in which
ego-love is ladled back and forth in exchange for ‘good’ behavior. When we
behave ‘badly’ ego-love is taken out of our buckets and not replaced until
the ‘good’ behavior is forthcoming. As we grow older this conditional scenario of, ‘good
behavior fills our love-bucket while bad
behavior depletes it’ is extended from our parents to everyone else in
authority, such as grandparents, teachers, the clergy, police, the courts and
bosses. This establishes the Parental
Authority System within our minds and this internal Parental Authority System stays with us all our lives
unless we dismantle it.”
had a question. “Although I was an only child I always wanted brothers and
sisters, so, Gordon, where do they fit into this family ‘love-bucket
scenario,’ as you call it?”
when there are more children’s ego love-buckets to be filled by the parents
there is less parental love to go
around, so sibling jealousies and rivalries spring up all around, especially in
terms of a new baby who seems to get most of the mother’s, and often the
father’s, affectionate ladling. You avoided all that Sean. On the other hand
the children all have ego love-buckets too, and so they can start using each
other as a source of ego-love.”
immediately picked up on this. “Then our daughter Cloe who is ten has an ego
love-bucket exchange going with Frances who is three. Cloe mothers Frances all
perfect example,” nodded Gordon, “and it is one which children can be
taught. All children can be brought up to see each other as sources of ego-love,
preferably on an exchange of love
basis. Then we have the proverbial, ‘one big, happy family.’”
have tried to do just that,” said Frank, “thanks to Cloesha’s talents. All
the time she praises the kids for getting along together, and also for sharing
and helping each other. But, unfortunately, many families don’t have a Cloesha.”
too true,” agreed Gordon, “and that is why, how and where our many negative, inner ego-children are formed, become fixed, and
live on into our adult lives. Our fearful
ego-child is afraid it won’t get its share of ego-love or ego-love substitutes, such as recognition, money or power. Our angry
ego-child is angry because it is not being given enough ego-love to fill its
love-bucket. Our deprived ego-child
feels it is deprived of much needed
ego-love. Our abandoned ego-child
feels the source of ego-love has gone away, while the guilty
ego-child feels it has done something ‘wrong’ or ‘sinful’ in that the
ego-love is not forthcoming to fill its love-bucket. Our depressed ego-child is in despair because there is now little or no
hope of ever getting the life-sustaining ego-love it needs to function. All
these inner ego-children of ours, plus many others I haven’t time to mention,
have ego love-buckets which are almost empty. In the case of the suicidal
ego-child the ego love-bucket is already dry and the ‘heart’ is stopping.”
thought has occurred to me, Gordon,” said Mary Ringly somberly, “are not we
parents still as riddled with ego-children as we were in childhood?”
are, and that is the point I was about to bring out. We can say that the inner
ego-children of the parents will tend
to create wide varieties of ego-children in their offspring. The two sets of
ego-children (those of the parents and those of any child) will not necessarily
be the same, of course. The situation is further complicated by past-life karma
which stems from unresolved, conflicted ego-child problems in previous lives.
Remember we only have one life——it
is eternal! Our past lifetimes are
merely a series of episodes as humans in that eternal life. Or maybe we had
lives as aliens as well … who knows?”
think I was an alien once,” said Alicia quickly. “Not long ago I had a vivid
dream that long ago I was a Munchkin, or Mindkin, or something like that. But
going back to the parents, Gordon, didn’t you once say we take our parents
inside us as we grow through adolescence?” she asked with an eye on her
mother. “As a future parent will I turn out to be something like my mother?”
forbid!” exclaimed Elizabeth. “I would never wish myself on you like
trouble is,” Gordon continued, “you already have because this is almost
always an unconscious process. Do you remember I mentioned the Parental Authority System? Well, we all have a special area of our
minds, and probably our brains too, which takes into itself all the parental
values, methods of control, and often many of the parent’s beliefs. This is
particularly the case when parents are respected
and more or less looked to as continuing sources of ego-love even into our
adulthood. In some ways children who are given lots of parental ego-love as a
child as well as numerous so-called ‘positive’ rules, regulations and dogma
to live by develop a Parental Authority System which is even harder to let go,
to dismantle, than that of the punishing, depreciating parent. I once had an
unmarried woman client who, at 27, had a vagina tightly closed to penises
because her parents, who had given her great love in childhood, had insisted
she remain a virgin until she married. Her natural sexual drive was saying
‘yes’ but her inner loving
Parental Authority System said ‘No!’ Even those who react against
their parents and rebel, still operate on a belief that their parents’ beliefs
are real and that they as children must do the opposite. Truly free
children who are positively trained to
solve their own problems successfully will be sufficiently liberated to create
their own unique philosophy of life,
one which usually has little to do with that of their parents. However, such
wise parents and children are rare.”
what I want,” chimed in Alicia, “to be free to create my own destiny and
life and not just copy or rebel against Mom and Dad. How do I do that,
growing up, by making conscious all your inner ego-children and liberating their
energy for higher purposes. You will also have to bring your entire Parental
Authority System out into the open and dismantle it as well. Furthermore, you
will need to tear apart and examine meticulously every
belief you, or anyone else who has influenced you, ever had.”
that leave us with nothing except a heap of rubble? Wouldn’t we be without any
ideals, or guidelines, or values to give us a direction in life?” inquired
Joan who saw all her precious laws of the land becoming a vast heap of ego-junk.
would be the case only if one did not
believe, (a) that God exists, (b) that He has Knowledge, and (c) that his
Knowledge is available to us as His Truth.”
Gordon,” butted in Sean, “you are saying that, because I do not believe in
God in that way I am destined to stick with my evolving, human, societal
ego-values and morals, without which there would be only Chaos? And even those
you say are illusions.”
is exactly what I am saying, Sean. Your choice——God or Chaos. All your
biological beliefs concerning evolution are founded in concepts of
now they are finding that even Chaos has its systems because it is never
completely motionless,” added Sean.
really! So now science is discovering the Rules of Randomness. The butterfly
fluttering over Rio changes the weather in Tokyo. A galactic lens billions of
light years away bends radiation from a quasar which causes a dominate negative
mutation in one human on earth thus altering our gene pool significantly. If I
change the spin of an atomic particle here on earth, its brother particle who
left earth a billion years ago and who is now a billion light years away, will instantly
change its spin to match that of its long lost brother. How is that possible,
are theories about it such as all particles were together as radiation, etc.,
during and after the Big Bang, but it’s very complex and speculative.”
let’s apply the ultimate Occam’s Razor and suggest one very simple, single
hypothesis. The Universe of universes on all levels of being, from physical form to the most abstract, is within
One infinite, omniscient Mind-as-such, namely, the Mind
of God, with all the consequences that implies.”
laughed, but not in derision. “That’s a very old solution, Gordon, which is, of course, no solution. If God created everything and if all of it is organized
by Him in ‘His Mind,’ as you put it, there is nothing left for science to
explain or scientists to do. It’s all caused and accounted for by God’s
magical Powers, right? So science now becomes unnecessary.”
there, Sean! Back up, pal. Now it’s you
who is reading the old-fashioned, ancient idea of ‘God as the Creator of
everything’ into my argument. I did
not say God created everything, at
least not in terms of physical or psychic forms.
I merely said that, in one way or another, everything exists within the One Universal Mind of God, and I was about to add
that That accounted for such phenomena
as telepathy and the instantaneous communication between particles, etcetera,
across the vast reaches of space-time. I’m talking only about instant,
simultaneous communication, Sean, not
decided to sidestep the particle problem and pick out telepathy for his
counter-argument. “There is no solid evidence for telepathy, Gordon. It’s
all just coincidence, if it occurs at all.”
you must read the article on telepathy by Daryl Bern and Charles Honorton in the
prestigious journal Psychological Bulletin
of January 1994. They established telepathy as a scientific fact in a series
of very carefully controlled studies. And theirs is by no means the only study,
Sean. But if your own closed belief
system ‘knows’ instantaneous
telepathy is impossible no amount of research will convince you.”
okay! I will read your ‘scientific’ telepathy paper if you make me a
interrupted. “Will you two guys wrap up this science crap and get back to
human relationships. The rest of us believe in telepathy anyway, don’t we?”
She glanced around the circle but no one disagreed.
right,” Gordon agreed. “I was saying that all the ego-children and the
parental authority system need to be dissolved completely by the Ego-Dismantling Method I gave you last week. Remember? We withdraw
all blame from others, own all our
ego-child emotions, flood ourselves
with them, welcome them, act them out harmlessly if necessary, search out our specific needs, wants, blocks and insecurities, release
everything to Spirit to be transformed
into Light, then relax and sink into the Love
of God. Use this Ego-Dismantling
Method regularly for genuine psychospiritual healing. Remember God’s Love
is the only Love you need and when you
have it flowing through you, you can give it away to everyone.”
Ringly motioned slightly with his hand. “It’s getting late, Gordon. I’m
afraid we have to get home to the baby-sitter, so can we wind this up now with
another short meditation? I’d like that.”
course. Then let’s focus on the theme from earlier this evening that all our
Real Minds are communicating Love to one another within the Mind of God.” Each person in the group gradually felt a
warm Peace pervade their minds as the silence of Mind-as-such enveloped them.
Sean had no problem with meditation or the pleasant feelings it engendered; he
just had a different explanation——seratonins, endorphin peptide release, and
telephone beside Joan Cubero rang several times before she answered. It was
Friday evening around 7 PM. From the first sound she was apprehensive as if a
heavy-hearted confusion had transited the line first. It was Rob Ringly with an
you get over to Suburban Hospital on Georgetown Road, Joan? Mary’s there with
our son, Donald. He was just knocked off his bike by a hit-and-run driver. His
brother, Bruce, saw it all. Broken leg, lacerations, coma. I’m almost there.
This is my car phone.”
come immediately, Rob. Can I bring anything or do anything to help?”
Call Cloesha and tell her about Don, and that he won’t make that first session
on Tuesday. Okay? And Mary needs you,
it. I’ll be at the hospital soon, and I’m praying for you all.”
had a date with Sean that evening so after explaining the situation to Cloesha
she called him to say she would be staying at the Ringly’s that weekend and to
phone her there. She also asked him to call the others in the group to inform
them of Don’s accident and for everyone to pray for his recovery.
midnight the Suburban physicians attending Don had diagnosed a growing subdural
hematoma and decided a shunt was necessary. Mary agreed and the neurosurgical
team went to work.
was floating in and out of his body. He remembered the accident, and as he
watched the surgeons at work he knew, from TV-ER programs, his head was being
operated on. Don felt no pain. After a few minutes he became bored observing all
this precision activity from his mind-location near the ceiling so he looked
around. His mind’s eye fell on a hollow vortex of dim light which was in front
of him wherever he looked. It seemed to be inviting him to enter even though no
figure or form was discernible——just swirling, indistinct light. Don went
into it, and as he moved through it the light became brighter and the attraction
became stronger. People, mostly dressed in white, began to appear and they
smiled warmly as he passed. Now the vortex was very bright. Then it opened out
into an open space where a Being stood who radiated golden Light and Love.
Donald,” said the Being of Light. “Welcome to what you call Heaven, my
you God or Jesus?” asked Don who felt very happy here. Spontaneously, without
a trace of fear, he ran up to the Being who lifted him into his arms.
that is difficult to answer, my boy. My Mind is within God’s Mind and made of
it, so I am a part of Him and like Him
so perhaps you should think of me as a Son of God.”
was a little confused. “But isn’t Jesus the Son of God? Does God have lots
even more difficult to answer, but you are
a very bright young man so I’ll explain. God is only One Mind so all Minds everywhere are within that Oneness as One Son.
One Ocean has many Currents but they are all intermingling water within that One
I a Current in the Ocean?”
lad! Without a doubt you are a Son of God too, like Jesus and me.”
you know Jesus?”
well. He is my brother, like you. Would you care to meet him now?”
child, too…. Here’s Jesus then.”
Jesus appeared before them, then he took Donald in his own arms and hugged him
Lovingly. Don was filled with great Happiness.
you want to stay here with us,” asked Jesus, “or go back to your mother,
Mary, and Rob, your father, and brother, Bruce?”
is difficult to decide. It’s so
wonderful here, and Mom and Dad do
still have Bruce——and perhaps Mom could
have another baby——I think.”
Don, it’s up to you. Your brain operation is almost over, therefore right now
would be a good time to go back if you want to.”
thought furiously for a couple of minutes then it came to him. “Do I have to
learn to read and spell here, Jesus? I mean do you have tests and exams?”
laughed loudly. “No, my son. Here you are free to do whatever you wish as long
as it’s done with only Love and Joy.”
that case I definitely want to be with you. How long can I stay?”
long as you wish. Ultimately you may desire to go back to earth into another
body, but that is always voluntary here. Here you decide everything for yourself.”
Okay, I’ll stay.” Then Don turned to the other Being of Light who had first
hugged him. “You forgot to tell me your name. What is it?”
Didn’t I tell you? Well, my name’s Elohm, and I know your earthly father
surgical team did all within their power to revive Donald Ringly but nothing
worked. The brain was dead and the heart had stopped for 40 minutes before they
ceased trying. At first Mary and Rob denied it was possible. They even imagined
Donald would wake up suddenly on the sheet covered gurney where the
attendant’s had placed his young body for transfer to pathology and storage.
Joan, not knowing how to handle their confusion and disbelief, resorted to
putting her arms around them, or touching them from time to time. Each drove
their separate cars back to the Ringly house a short distance from the hospital,
near Burdette Road. Joan arrived first and Bruce answered the door chimes, his
dead isn’t he?” Bruce’s first words hit Joan so unexpectedly she could
only stare at him vacantly, then she burst into tears, nodding.
knew it! I saw him. He came to me and
said he was with Jesus, and he was okay. Do you
think he is?”
nodded again, then turned as the other two cars carrying Mary and Rob came
around the circular driveway.
knows,” she said to Mary and Rob as they reached the double-door entrance-way.
“He says Don appeared to him here and told him he was with Jesus, and that he
was all right.”
four as a group embraced each other and began sobbing openly. Bruce’s
revelation had cracked through the veneer of denial with which Mary and Rob had
fended off facing Donald’s death allowing them to mourn his passing. The
Ringlys had always been conventionally religious “church-on-Sunday” folk
who, until recently, had not had to examine their traditional beliefs too
closely. Although the meetings at Dr. Koan’s apartment had begun to change all
that, they were still emotionally unprepared for the sudden death of a beloved
son. In the days that followed Rob grew increasingly angry with God for taking
away “his boy,” but then the anger switched to the hit-and-run driver whom
the police were trying to find. This was proving a difficult task because the
only evidence was a smashed bicycle and the only witness was a twelve-year-old
child, Bruce, who could remember little about the vehicle except that it was a
plain, pale-colored van.
Wednesday Joan persuaded the Ringlys to attend the evening meeting in order to
seek Gordon’s counseling as well as the comfort of the group.
may also be able to help you in a practical way, Rob,” said Gordon after
agreeing to see them privately for a few sessions on mourning. He had explained
that denial, sadness, anger, depression and, eventually, understanding were all
part of the normal processing of grieving and that none of these emotions should
fact, if you put each of them through the Ego-Dismantling Method as they arise,
you will heal yourselves thoroughly over time. Joan should do this as well
because she was close to Don.”
do you propose to help us in a practical way?” asked Mary.
may or may not work and I want you both to think long and hard about it before
you agree to go ahead. Can I speak in front of the others——it’s not
and Mary signaled Gordon to “go ahead.”
a technique I learned at a workshop from a San Diego police officer who was also
a certified hypnotherapist. It is called, ‘Past Remote Viewing.’ If both
Bruce and you two, as his parents, will give me permission to hypnotize Bruce I
may, just may, be able to identify the owner of that van. Do you think Bruce
would be willing?”
sure of that,” replied Rob, “he will do anything to help track down the
culprit. So will we. If Bruce agrees can we do it this week?”
I’ll get Rebecca, my secretary, to call you first thing in the morning——or
could we do it at your home tomorrow evening? I’m free.” Rob and Mary agreed
on the spot and said they would ask Bruce and then let Gordon know, “before
remainder of the meeting was spent in a deep discussion of near death
experiences, of the “astral” (mutable) and spiritual realms, of karmic
destinies and of ascended “souls,” masters and guides.
lay stretched out on the Ringly’s living room sofa in a profound state of
hypnosis induced by Dr. Gordon Koan who sat on a straight chair near his head.
Rob and Mary, watching closely, sat in the armchairs flanking the sofa. On the
coffee table Gordon’s pocket Sony Professional was recording every murmur in
the room in hi-fi, stereo Dolby. Having been prepped earlier by his parents
Bruce now agreed excitedly to this session, especially after Gordon’s detailed
explanation that it would be carried out from the Land of Light.
the initial induction Gordon had relaxed Bruce from toes to head and surrounded
him with white light. Next he had Bruce walk slowly down a flight of 20 stairs
with each step being a step down into the deeper levels of his mind. At the
bottom of the stairs was an entrance to a Crystal Cave which emitted white light
from each one of its thousands of quartz crystals. To a slow count of ten Bruce
walked through this Crystal Cave to a door which opened into a glowing field of
golden light. After safely resting briefly in the light, Bruce was next taken up
to the Land of Light to another slow count of ten. Once there, he found himself
standing in a large meadow of wildflowers surrounded by trees, streams,
waterfalls, mountains, forests and snow-capped peaks. The blue sky was dappled
with puffy white clouds and colorful birds were flying everywhere. In the fields
and woods, where all kinds of animals grazed peacefully, Bruce saw lions lying
down with lambs and rabbits snuggled up to wolves. At this point Bruce selected
his Power Animal, the bear. Then Bruce also saw many Beings of Light who
radiated auras of Light in every direction. It was at this point that Bruce’s
main Guide came up to him and introduced himself by his name——which was
Elohm. Then everyone, including Gordon, turned and entered the Sacred Forest
behind them and followed a moss-covered, winding path between the great oaks and
elms and redwoods which led to the Marble Grove at the center. Sunbeams slanted
down through the orchid draped branches as Nature Spirits tended the needs of
the little creatures and many flowering plants on the floor of the forest.
Primroses, bluebells, daffodils and violets grew there. The central Marble Grove
was a magnificent wildflower clearing, a hundred feet in diameter, surrounded by
giant trees whose lacy branches almost met high overhead. At the center was a
white, translucent marble floor twenty feet in diameter. Around its
circumference were marble seats, benches and sofas each covered with thick white
mattresses, pillows and cushions, which were very comfortable. As Bruce, Gordon
and Elohm walked onto the marble floor they saw Jesus waiting for them. He
hugged each one and blessed them with Love. After a brief discussion Gordon
asked Bruce to lie on a sofa where, with Gordon touching the lad’s third eye,
Bruce went into his own Higher Self who could See, Hear and Know Everything.
STAY IN YOUR HIGHER SELF, BRUCE, AND RETURN TO THE SCENE OF YOUR BROTHER DON’S
ACCIDENT WHICH IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
ARE YOU THERE?
I’m watching him ride up and down our street. He’s learning “no hands”
and wobbling all over the place.
LOOK UP THE STREET.
The gray van is coming fast. He’s doing sixty.
TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS.
The driver swerves to avoid him, but Don wobbles and the bumper hits him and the
WHERE DOES DON FALL?
He’s thrown towards the curb. He hits it with his head.
WHERE IS THE BIKE?
The bike’s crumpled a lot. It falls sideways onto the road.
WAS THE VAN DAMAGED?
The handlebar broke the headlamp. That’s all.
OKAY. THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
I run to help Don. His leg’s all twisted. He’s bleeding a lot.
WHERE DID THE VAN GO?
He’s stopping a little ways down the street.
WHAT HAPPENS THEN?
He’s getting out, and looks at the broken light.
He sees me with Don and gets back in, and drives off.
OKAY. BACK UP NOW TO WHERE HE IS EXAMINING THE BROKEN HEADLIGHT… IS IT ON THE
RIGHT OR LEFT? DRIVER OR PASSENGER SIDE?
GOOD. NOW FREEZE EVERYTHING. NOW, STILL IN YOUR HIGHER SELF, GO BEHIND THE VAN
AND READ ME OFF THE LICENSE PLATE NUMBER——SLOWLY.
Okay, it’s 6-H-X-L-6-6-V.
GOOD. NOW READ IT TO ME AGAIN, THIS TIME BACKWARDS.
GREAT! THAT VERIFIES IT. NOW GO BACK TO DON. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We were taught in First Aid not to move an injured body so I ran inside and
dialed 911 for an ambulance. Then I went to get a blanket and put it over Don on
the street. Then I called Mom and Dad to come home quickly. Then I waited with
Don until the ambulance came.
AND THEN WHAT?
A police car came too and asked me lots of questions. Then Mom arrived as the
ambulance was going off and she followed it to the hospital. She asked me to
stay by our phone and the cop stayed with me. He was nice.
OKAY. WOULD YOU LIKE TO TALK TO DONALD NOW?
(Rob and Mary had previously agreed
to this step.)
Oh yes. Where is he?
YOU ARE BACK LYING ON THE WHITE SOFA IN THE MARBLE GROVE. SIT UP ON THE EDGE OF
THE SOFA AND LOOK AROUND… JESUS AND ELOHM ARE BRINGING DON OVER TO CHAT WITH
YOU… HE’S NOW STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU. DO YOU SEE HIM?
Yes, it’s Don all right.
ASK HIM ANYTHING, BUT GIVE HIM A BIG HUG FIRST. (The two brothers hugged each other.)
How ya doin’, Don? Are they treatin’ you right?
It’s grrreat here, Bruce. There’s no work and we can do what we like as long
as we are Loving. I only have to think
of something and it’s there——really there!
Sounds like lots of fun. Do you play games here, like baseball I mean?
Sure, but it’s funny because everyone
wins every time. How do They do that? (Elohm
and Jesus just smiled.)
What else do you do?
I told you. Whatever we want. The other kids and I swim a lot and play under the
waterfall but nobody wears anything. We all sing and dance and have fun.
Don’t you miss me——and Mom and Dad?
Not really. Any time I want to be with you I just wish it and I’m there.
In our house?
Of course. I can be anywhere. But at home I see you, but you can’t see me
anymore. You did once, and you can now you’re here in the Light.
We all miss you.
Why? I’m not dead am I? Jesus and Elohm say we all live forever.
Will you always be a kid, now?
Well, they tell me that when I get bored with being little I can go into my
grown-up Higher Self and do other stuff.
Oh, go back to earth as a new baby—perhaps.
Would you come back to us if Mom got pregnant?
No, sorry, but I’ve done with you all… I can get you a little sister,
Okay. I’ll ask Mom if she wants a girl and get back to you.
No need. I will know. I’ll find you a real cool sister. Some of the kids here
already want to go back into bodies. I have a very smart girlfriend here who
wants to find a new body so she can help everyone there become Loving. I’ll
Is there any message for Mom and Dad?
Yep! Tell ‘em I love them a whole bunch, and that we will all be together for ever.
Not to worry ‘bout me. I’m okay with Elohm and Jesus. They just told me they
know Dad, and Mom and Dr. Koan from long ago. Mom was a Mindkin of Elohm and
Dad, or something. He said Dad was on the First Team with him and also Dr. Koan,
way back when. You figure it out. I dunno ‘bout all that stuff yet. Got to go
now, Bruce. Luv ya. Bye.
ALL RIGHT, BRUCE. YOU ARE STILL RESTING IN THE MARBLE GROVE OF THE LAND OF
LIGHT. STAND UP AND GIVE JESUS AND ELOHM A BIG HUG… AND THEY BOTH BLESS YOU
WITH LOVE AND LIGHT… GOOD, NOW LIE DOWN ON THE WHITE SOFA AGAIN… GOOD. NOW
YOU ARE FALLING INTO A DEEP DREAMLESS SLEEP BUT WHEN I AWAKEN YOU BACK ON EARTH
YOU WILL REMEMBER ALL THAT HAPPENED
TODAY IN THIS ALTERED STATE… OKAY?
Okay. I’ll remember.
FAST ASLEEP NOW, BUDDY. NOW I’M GOING TO WAKE YOU UP WITH A SLOW COUNT TO TEN
AND YOU WILL AWAKEN REFRESHED AND HAPPY, AND REMEMBER EVERYTHING.
amazing,” blurted out Rob the moment Bruce was wide awake and sitting up on
the sofa. “And you’ve got it all on tape?”
and I’ll leave the recorder running while you ask me questions. Fire away!”
Gordon waited expectantly.
the Land of Light really real, or is
it a place of imagination, like a dream?” Mary asked, her doubts re-emerging
up through her emotional involvement in Donald’s words.
it sound like Don’s conversation?”
yes. But Bruce knows Don so well he could imitate him.”
accept that.” Gordon then turned to their son. “Bruce, do you know what a
way, not the faintest idea, Gordon. What’s ‘First Team’ mean, and who’s
this guy Elohm? I’ve never heard that
weird name before.”
Bruce, in my meditations I have contacted Elohm, and Jesus too. Elohm says he
and the First Team manifested——that is, made——our physical universe, and
that your father and I are members of that creative team.”
don’t understand. Didn’t God create the universe?”
God only makes our Minds out of pieces of His Mind. He surrounds that piece of
His Own Mind that is you with His Love
and gives it a free Life as an individual Mind, forever.”
all that by me again,” pleaded a bewildered Bruce.
too!” requested Rob.
agreed Gordon, “and to make it simple I’ll just say that each of our
individual Minds is a piece of God’s Mind which is immersed in God’s Love.
This has nothing to do with physical bodies which were and are made by us
humans, not God. We are not our
had a question. “What about the contents
of the Mind, Gordon? All those ego-children you told us about. Are they part of
our individual pieces of God’s Mind?”
are not Mind-as-such but are, as you
say, only the contents of any
Mind-as-such. These thoughts-as-content are of two kinds. Type One Thoughts come
as a standard package of Programs from God
which He bundles into each and every Being’s Mind-as-such when it is
individuated within His Mind. This God-package of His Thoughts includes Love, Light, Peace, Joy, Knowledge, Grace,
Truth and Happiness, all of which are perfect, infinite, eternal and
Mary interjected. “No one I know is infinitely Happy or has perfect Knowledge.
If God implanted that Thought-package in our Minds eternally at our creation,
where is it now?”
grinned rather wryly. “We have denied
it exists, we have dissociated it, and
we all pretend it is not there and
steadfastly look the other way. In short we buried it when we separated from God. But deep within our
Minds-as-such that God-package of His Thoughts is still there!”
was perturbed. “I think we must have poured a vast concrete slab over it. I
see no Love or Truth in any of my congressional or other colleagues——or
myself either. And if Elohm says he knows me, I sure don’t remember him.”
have joined the human race, Rob. We all have that concrete slab in us, well,
almost all. Which brings me to Type Two thoughts. These are all our preoccupying
ego-thoughts which are fleeting, fickle, false, fluctuating and all based on
some form of fear——one way or
laughed, “That’s a lot of ‘f’-words, Gordon. I understand them, but what
does ‘preoccupying’ mean?”
that we cannot get the ego-filled part of our minds to stop thinking about
certain kinds of things all the time.”
as, for example?”
lot of the things we are concerned about also begin with ‘f’. Food, family,
finances, our facade, our fat figures and faces, friends, fun and fantasy, films
and football, fitness, fighting our foes, failure, our faith, fame, fashion,
fatalities, furniture, festivals, flirting and fondling, foolishness, force,
foreigners, frustrations and, not least, the future. That’s the short
exclaimed Bruce, “did you just think up all that ‘f’-stuff?”
Gordon smiled, “I once went through the dictionary and picked them out. Then I
memorized them so I could reel them off to all my clients, to my Course
In Miracles students and to other people who might ask, like you.”
wanted to get Gordon back on track. “You make it sound as if all these things
were ‘bad’ or ‘sinful’ like old-time religion or fundamentalism.”
they are not bad, or sinful, or wrong. They are simply passing preoccupations
which distract us from rediscovering
our God-Thoughts underneath that great slab of concrete. In themselves, all
these ‘f’ ego-thoughts are more or less meaningless.”
you saying my family is
and no. Can you see each member of
your extended family as a Child of God,
including all your relatives? Remember
that both Jesus and the Buddha ‘left’ their families after ensuring they
were well cared for. They saw their families and everyone else as a part of
God’s Family of Beings. We don’t have to leave our families physically but
we do have to see that all humans,
including them, are equally in One Universal Family of God in His Mind. Donald
is not in a physical body now, but he is a Child of God with Jesus and Elohm.
do you know all this?” asked Mary.
we just converse with them through Bruce? But there’s much more to it than
that, but I’d rather save it for the next meeting. May I make copies of this
tape for the others in our Wednesday group?”
and Mary looked at each other, then nodded. “Okay,” said Rob, “but we have
to tell them the tape is personal and must not
be given out to anyone else.”
see to that,” agreed Gordon as he stood up to say goodbye. “And I’ll be
happy to go over the tape again at our personal counseling session. Bring Bruce
as well if you wish.”
he can come,” agreed Mary. “And we will give that van number to the police
detective assigned to our case. We will just say Bruce remembered it under
hypnosis, which is the truth.”
the Wednesday evening Gordon distributed the duplicate copies of the Ringly
audio tape which Rebecca had made. She had been his secretary for several years
and loved him dearly, but, being 55 and with a grown family of her own, she knew
her love could never be consummated.
the tape was too long to play then and there, Gordon summarized its content and
the group discussed its themes for the remainder of the evening. Everyone was
pleased the Ringlys could now say that, although they missed Donald terribly,
they did know he was alive and happy. Mary did add that it was much too early to
make any decisions about getting pregnant again and that she would prefer not to
discuss that prospect with the others because she and Rob did not want any
agreed to listen to the tape some time during the next six days so the exchange
of ideas could continue the following week.
the Friday night Sean Waverley and Joan Cubero decided to make a quick visit to
her local supermarket to buy fresh salmon and vegetables, as well as coffee ice
cream for dessert. They carted all these purchases back to Joan’s apartment
where, in the tiny kitchen, they fried the salmon in a little butter and lemon
juice with a liberal sprinkling of Hot Shot. The two discovered they enjoyed
working together. Both were used to preparing small, gourmet meals for
themselves so, as they cooked, they enthusiastically exchanged favorite recipes
and culinary tips.
time we eat in, Sean, and when I have more time to make it, I am going to cook
you my ultimate Mexican meal which is based around lots of spicy, chicken baby
burritos.” Joan glanced at him to see his reaction.
love Mexican food and I like spicy
dishes, so next weekend you are invited to stay with me in Baltimore where you
will concoct this Mexican masterpiece. What about it?” Then, before a startled
Joan could comment, he continued hastily, “I have a guest bedroom so you
don’t have to sleep alongside me.” Sean was choosing his words intuitively
and with care.
Sean, you make me feel as if I am some kind of uptight Madonna and I don’t
mean the pop star. I’d love to come to Baltimore and I’d love to sleep
alongside of you, but it’s just as I said before, ‘I need to take it
was pleased she would come and touched her arm reassuringly. “Wonderful. I do
understand. My first name is Snail’s Pace, my surname is Turtle Time and
Speedy Gonzalez is finally dead!”
I’m the Sleeping Princess,” she replied, laughing, “or Joan Van Winkel,
perhaps. I’m not sure which.”
beautiful Princess waiting to be awakened, that’s who!”
but not a virginal one. Did you know that at Chichen Itza, near Merida, the
Mayan priests would sacrifice a young virgin once in a while as a gift to the
gods by doping her, treating her as a princess, then throwing her into the
sacred natural well? I’m glad I don’t qualify for that!”
few would qualify for that these days,” responded Sean, “but perhaps there
never were many teenage virgins. Do you remember Alicia telling the group that
before the industrial revolution girls got married at or around puberty?”
the meal as the discussion rambled on, Joan noticed that Sean, unlike almost all
other people she knew, never became perturbed when another person disagreed with
him. He acknowledged everyone had a right to their own point of view and when he
couldn’t make immediate headway in a discussion, he usually dropped all
contention. To an attorney like Joan, whose job revolved around bitter
arguments, Sean was indeed an unheard of saint.
a bowl of ice cream they cuddled up on the sofa and watched the video
“Sabrina,” the one starring Julia Ormond and Harrison Ford. Shortly before
11 PM Sean, after a hug and a kiss for Joan, left for Baltimore because he had
an appointment to see two of his doctoral students the next morning.
Saturday afternoon at 1:30 PM Gordon Koan drove to a small hall crammed with
some 300 expectant people who had gathered to hear a middle-aged woman who
claimed, without ego, to be enlightened. A male client of Gordon’s, who had
gone to a previous meeting two months before, had experienced a mild Light
impact from her and therefore, a very dubious Gordon had decided to check her
out. He did not like to leave any
proverbial stone unturned when it came to his own Spiritual Path, and besides,
he had never had any direct human-to-human
telepathic experiences. Masters and Guides were great what with their
revelations, white Light, etc., but they did not have physical bodies. If this enlightened woman in the flesh was
for Real then here would be an
excellent opportunity to experience personally
one-on-one, pure Mind-as-such communication——without words. The woman’s
name was Sophia.
was a single empty chair in the middle of the hall some 30 feet from the stage,
so Gordon took it. Promptly at 2 PM Sophia, dressed in a plain white cotton
dress, came onto the stage and sat in a modest armchair. She introduced herself
briefly, then asked everyone to meditate for 15 minutes to quiet, spiritual
music. A lighted candle, symbolizing the Light, shone from a small table
alongside her chair. Next, Sophia spoke of her own past spiritual practice which
she explained had culminated in a lengthy experience of full absorption in God
which caused a continuous permanent awareness of the Christ-Self.”
meditation followed this time without music. After that there was a question and
answer period, then a bathroom break.
second two-hour session consisted mostly of Sophia fixating her Mind on one
person or another for some 30 seconds in order to send them pure radiant Light
of God. First, she explained she would do this by looking at the person and by
holding her hands up with her palms facing that individual. While members of the
audience could keep their eyes open or closed, open was preferable because the
impact of the Light would be greater. Each person would receive the amount of
Light they could safely “take” and that amount would be determined by the
individual. Also fully conscious, focused alertness was more desirable than a
drowsy, altered state. On hearing all this, Gordon decided to keep his eyes wide
open and his consciousness wide awake. Also, he kept saying internally “I want
the Loving Oneness” in the hope that, if anything was going to happen, this mantra would intensify it. It was toward
the end of the afternoon that Sophia fixated on Gordon from a distance of 30
hit him with a wave-like, fast crescendo that almost took his breath away, and
he began to pant loudly like a fast runner in need of oxygen. Then his Mind
seemed to expand abruptly and burst outwards with an intense energy so
incredible he wanted more and more. It was like a very powerful, mental,
expanding, spiritual orgasm of Golden Light, but much more than that in quality——and it was Real. As Gordon stared at Sophia she became lit up with bright
Light which permeated her, her clothes and the air all around her. Even the
candle on the table suddenly became five times brighter. This was not an
“aura,” but an all-pervasive inner Light emanating from her core Self.
Gordon did not want any of it to stop, but the Power-filled Light slowly wound
down as Sophia moved on to other people to give the Light to them. The
experience had overwhelmed him, shattering his Mind open to a new Awareness of
Truth which, in the days to come, lingered like a melody he loved.
evening Gordon meditated alone in his apartment knowing he had undergone a most
profound experience of True Mind-as-such Communion.
the regular Wednesday meeting Gordon declared it an open question and answer
session, one in which anyone could ask, answer or comment. But before the “Q
and A” began he recounted his powerful Light experiences with Sophia and then
added that he would be happy to give anyone her mailing-list address.
asked the first question. “Gordon, what with scientists now searching for
extraterrestrial radio signals and the discovery of planets circling stars far
outside the solar system, do you know personally of any hard or circumstantial
evidence that ETs and UFOs really exist?”
know you mean evidence apart from information obtained from abductees either
consciously or under hypnosis, but first let me tell you two accounts of ET/UFO
experiences. My first true story is of an MD who says he was abducted twice when
little. During the second abduction he says an implant was inserted into his
brain stem. Under deep hypnosis his Guide said this implant had malfunctioned in
adolescence but had never been renewed and therefore he was free of ‘them.’
With my client’s permission and the agreement of his Guide, I asked to speak
with the Captain-in-chief of any mother-ship in our vicinity. After contact was
made the Captain explained that their own home-world had been destroyed and that
over eons of time they had tried to fuse genetically with the inhabitants of
several suitable planets only to fail. Earth and humans were their latest
attempt at genetic engineering for species fusion, but the outcome was still
unclear. He said they meant no harm to humans and that at some level the people
involved agreed to their abduction. I would only add that I have no way of
knowing how much, if any, of this is true even though my client’s Guide said
it was——but with some reservations.”
all sounds pretty standard ET/UFO stuff to me,” said Sean. “Any one of
dozens of books has stories similar to that. What about direct stuff?”
try this one,” said Gordon. “Case history number two. This client was a
policeman who after a long car journey at night could not account for a couple
of hours on the trip. He had arrived at his destination two hours later than his
E.T.A., yet he had not stopped along his route. He put it down to an abduction
and came to me for a hypnotic regression. During it he remembered his car had
stopped of its own accord and that he had gone across a field to investigate a
strange, metallic saucer-craft——like the conscientious cop he was. But under
hypnosis he refused to touch the craft or have anything else to do with it
because he was terrified. The experience dead-ended right there under the saucer
and none of my psychological tricks could crack the impasse. For once I gave up
my policy of leaning over backwards not to make hypnotic suggestions. On the contrary, I tried every
‘strange device’ I knew to get him into that ship, but he was adamant. ‘No
way am I having anything to do with that thing,’ he kept saying. Eventually he
returned to his car and drove on to his destination——two hours late.”
that all that happened?” asked Rob. “Many people have described similar
no! Our friend was very perturbed after that inconclusive hypnosis session and
full of doubts. Then he hit on a bright idea. He decided to ask the ETs not only
if they existed, but also to prove it with an unambiguous sign, with clear
evidence, that they existed. For two weeks he kept saying, ‘I want a sign you
exist,’ and he got it.”
paused. Alicia was excited and impatient. “Go on, Gordon, don’t leave us
dangling. What was it?”
was driving home with his partner after his shift one morning at 4 AM when he
noticed a powerful, pulsing, pale yellow light in the sky. It was hanging there
in one spot about one third of the way up between the horizon and the zenith. In
his mind he asked the pulsing light if it was an ET/UFO and if it was the sign
he had asked for. The telepathic answer to both questions was ‘yes.’ At his
house the two men sat on his patio observing the motionless pulsing light for
about half-an-hour before deciding to phone the International Airport control
tower. The tower personnel confirmed they had been watching the pulsing light
but could not pick it up on radar and that they did not know what it was. The
tower people put our friend on hold while they called the large nearby Air Force
base. The Air Force also confirmed the sighting and added that the object was
not detectable on radar. The Air Force also admitted they had no idea what it was. The two cops, and presumably the two
control towers, continued to observe the UFO until first dawn when it winked out
and disappeared. This ‘encounter’ changed the policeman’s life inasmuch as
he became a spiritual aspirant.”
do you know he didn’t make all that
up?” asked Sean, ever the skeptic.
don’t know for certain, Sean, but
why would he lie to me? As a conversation gambit? To believe in something like
UFOs, of which he was afraid? To become spiritual? Why would he pay my fees for
weeks just to set up a complex hoax? How would he know I would not bother to
call the Airport to check on his story? Or his partner?”
what about hallucination——seeing space ships in fields and flashing lights
in the sky?” suggested Sean.
is a 35 year-old cop with no history of any psychological disturbance before or
since these incidents. I’ll stake my professional reputation he is as sane as
any or all of the people in this room. Besides, his fellow officer and two major
control towers also saw the large, flashing light. They knew
it was not a balloon, an aircraft, a star or any thing familiar.”
was not about to give up. “But Frank hallucinated that Maori shaman stuff and
he is otherwise sane!” He glanced at Frank apologetically.
had a vision and in his conscious state, as Frank, he knew it was a vision. Afterwards, he knew it had been a vision. This cop did not have a vision and Frank did not
Senator intervened. “This is going nowhere. Let’s drop it. Next question,
turned to Gordon. “Well, it’s still about ETs. Tell us what you know about
them, Gordon. Are they really here? My Guide, Spirad, says they are.”
are not only here, but the universe as a whole is swarming with Life. In fact,
the universe is Life and, apart from
form, its ‘stuff’ is made of Life, that is, of Living Mind-as-such. Now,
just as clay can be formed into many forms
of objects such as bricks, vases, cups, tiles, jet engine ceramics, knife
sharpeners, etcetera, so, too can this basic ‘stuff’ of the universe, which
we will call Living Spirals, be formed
into an infinite number of shapes, textures and so on——such as bodies,
planets, clay, stars, trees, clouds, galaxies, seashells, quasars, black holes,
carpet mites, fish, radiation photons, quarks, oil, water…. You as a designer,
Elizabeth, can appreciate that.”
but I design objects which will be manufactured, out of my own ingenuity, out of
my mind. Yet you say these Living Spirals, of which things are made, are
Mind-as-such. So, is ‘Mind’ the designer,
or is ‘Mind’ the stuff
drew a deep breath as if anticipating a very long, involved explanation and
discussion, then he held up the palm of his hand to Sean as if to say, “Please
stay out of this for now.”
Mind-as-such is both the designer and
the stuff designed. I’ll try to explain it as succinctly as I can.”
do,” interrupted Sean with a faint smile.
ignored him. “Mind-as-such as pure
Mind is the absolute, abstract formlessness of the Mind of (what we call) God.
It is the pure, formless Mind-Being which thinks. That Mind-Being-Thinker we
call God is the only ‘stuff’ there is, in the sense that all other things and beings, etc., exist only inside It and are made out of
It, one way or another, and on one level or another. Any questions thus
mean everything that exists does so within the Mind of God as only
Mind,” asked Alicia as if to confirm she had got it right.
affirmed Gordon. “In the ultimate, complete, Grand Unified Theory of
Everything,” and here Gordon shot a look at Sean, “there is only the
Absolute Mind of God which ‘contains’ within it, as varieties of thoughts, all-that-exists. The Mind-as-such of God has one
attribute, which is the ability to think.
In other words the process of thinking
thoughts of all kinds is what
Mind-as-such does. ‘Thinking
thoughts’ is the functioning activity
of Mind-as-such in operation.
Thoughts, per se, are the result or outcome of Mind-as-such in its active
thinking state. In the interest of brevity let’s call this Absolute
Mind-as-such of God which thinks thoughts, the ‘Mind of God’ or ‘God’s
was intrigued by this account of the Mind of God. “Gordon, what happens to a
previous thought when God’s Mind stops thinking about it?”
Mind-as-such never stops thinking His Thoughts and we will capitalize words to
do with God to indicate they are God’s Thoughts as opposed to our
ego-thoughts. Not only does God never stop thinking his Thoughts, but his
Thoughts are eternally Now.”
us some examples of God’s Thoughts,” requested Mary.
Perfect Love, Perfect Peace, Perfect Joy. All God’s Thoughts are Eternally
do we fit in?” asked Rob. “Did God create us?”
paused again. “Well, we have to be very careful here. God did not
create our bodies, nor did he create
our egos or any other temporary
aspects of us——not even our human identities. Always remember that What God
creates and Thinks is eternal and changeless. Thus, for example, God may create
the eternal Thought (or Idea) of abstract Beauty, but he does not create a
flower, or sunset, because these can change and will, sooner or later, pass
was impatient. “We understand God creates only the Eternal, so how could He
create us if we are not eternal?”
Gordon exclaimed. “But we are
created as eternal Minds-as-such within the Mind of God. You see, Tel, God
selects a piece of His Mind and
encapsulates it with Eternal Love (as a Thought) and then gives it an
individuated Life of its own, within His Mind. That Love-encapsulated piece of
God’s Mind is now a distinct Being/Mind-as-such
within God’s Mind. That is how God creates Beings——His Children, so to
a minute,” interjected Frank. “If something is created and comes into
‘Being’ then it is not Eternal because it has had a beginning.”
grinned approvingly. “Well said, Frank. Good point. I think he’s got you,
he hasn’t. Why? Because that piece of Love-encapsulated Mind-as-such always
existed Eternally as an amorphous part of the Mind-of-God. In other words, that
Mind was already there as undifferentiated
God-Mind, and so, too, was the Thought of Love. Nothing new
was created, it was only, in a sense, ‘rearranged’ and then ‘held
there’ by God’s Thoughts. Therefore, our individualized ‘pieces’ of
God’s Mind-as-such have always existed Eternally in His Mind as His Mind.”
raised another question in Tel’s (ego-)mind. “Then do we not have all
God’s Eternal Attributes and Thoughts within our
Minds-as-such because our Minds are pieces
of His Mind?”
replied Gordon. “That is exactly what I was going to say next, namely, that
our Minds are exact ‘images’ of God’s Mind, although that word
‘images’ is less than adequate. Our permanent, Eternal Minds are identical to God’s Mind and have their existence within
It. And, as I have said before, that individuated Being-piece-of-God’s-Mind
contains all of God’s Powers, Thoughts and Attributes. Your pure God-Self
Mind-as-such, Tel, can move mountains, perform any miracles and commune
eternally with God. To accomplish those things all we humans have to do is find,
or rather, rediscover, our True Mind
Being-in-God underneath all the ego-trash we have heaped on top of It. But
before we go off on that tangent I think we should discuss where this universe
of ours came from.”
Big Bang,” Sean almost shouted. “Standard Model Theory, old chap.”
I will go along with the Big Bang and the evolution of the physical universe,
but I want to say first that time, space, all dimensions, energy and matter are
the product of Mind-as-such which is manifesting
them. For example, time exists as an invention of Mind-as-such, not the other
way around. Even the concept of ‘eternity’ in the common statement
‘Mind-as-such (or God if you like) is eternal’ is not
appropriate because it implies Mind-as-such exists within
‘eternal’ time. In other words Mind-as-such does not exist within time; rather, time exists as a concept (or idea) within
Mind-as-such. Similarly, as I said before and want to emphasize here, space,
dimensionality, energy, radiation, matter, etcetera, all exist as ideas
which are manifested by Mind-as-such within
was willing to accept this premise. “Okay, let’s assume everything (other
than Mind-as-such) exists as ideas which are then manifested, somehow, as ‘things’ within Mind-as-such. Now, Gordon, does God Himself manifest time,
space, matter, energy and so on, or do the Mind-Beings He created within Himself
the ‘ideas’ and ‘things’ are temporary
and/or changeable then they are always
manifested by Mind-Beings who exist as Minds within
wanted to understand this point very clearly. “You are saying that any idea,
or object, or thing which is not
permanent and/or which changes, is invented and manifested or made by these
Mind-Beings who are in God, not
is correct. That is exactly what I am
On the other hand any Mind-Being who is eternal and changeless, and any Thought
which is eternal and changeless, are always created by God’s Mind-as-such?”
too, is exactly what I am saying. But there is one qualification to be added to
your last sentence.”
that is?” asked Tel expectantly. He was already sitting on the edge of his
chair, elbows on knees, chin in hands.
because God created Mind-Beings in His Own Mind-image (within Himself) they have
all His Attributes, and consequently
his eternal, changeless Mind-Beings can also create identical Mind-Beings. Not only that, but those
second-generation Mind-Beings can create any number of identical
third-generation Mind-Beings——and so on it goes. But I must remind you all
this is taking place as original Mind-creation long before there was a physical
universe. Furthermore, what I am talking about has nothing to do with bodies, humans, egos, brains, or even time, space
or any dimensionality. These things
were all manifested (by Mind-Beings) much, much, much, much, later,
only after time itself had been invented——first.”
sprawled back into his chair and steepled his fingers under his chin. “Gordon,
you have just destroyed almost all philosophy. Previously, you told us God does not
know anything about forms, or things, or anything not eternal, and now
you are extending that to say He did not
create the universe, or Nature, or even time and dimensionality. What about
God’s omniscience——does he know
about the universe and our bodies for example?”
God does not know about universes or bodies, or anything else which is
temporary, be it physical or non-physical, because it is not Real, it is illusory.”
was exasperated. “Are you trying to tell me radiation and atomic particles are
not real? If they are not defined as
real then neither are we, as
is what I am saying, Sean. Radiation and atoms, physical bodies and brains are not
Real (with a capital ‘R’) because
they can change, and they do not exist
eternally outside time. They are all
temporary, manifested illusions. Sean,
even in your physical science virtual particles appear and disappear instantly
out of nothing, and time ceases to flow in a black hole singularity. Photons, as
light, cannot be mathematically localized in space in terms of quantum theory.
Paired (EPR) photons ‘communicate’ instantly, far faster than the speed of
light, and Schrodinger’s cat is both dead and alive until
some mind-person observes it. In delayed-choice photon experiments the cause
occurs after the effect so
‘something communicative’ is traveling backwards in time! Then, of course,
there are those eminent physicists whose proposed solutions to these anomalies
are ignored or pooh-poohed by both fundamentalist scientists and even many
orthodox scientists. For example, David Bohm hypothesized a kind of subspace
‘implicate order’ underlying the physical universe while Nobel Laureate
Eugene Wigner introduced the ‘active agency of the mind’ to explain EPR and
quantum observer effects. John Wheeler suggested that, with respect to photons
at least, ‘we ourselves have an undeniable part in shaping what we have always
called the past.’ And many younger physicists are busy linking mind with
multiple dimensions, time, photons, and quantum theory. But let’s leave all
that present-day science controversy and get back to Mind-Beings within the Mind
jumped in first. “I haven’t finished yet. I have some follow-up questions
about how the universe was created,
made or manifested by these
Mind-Beings which exist only in God’s Mind. How
did they do it?”
Beings can do other things in addition to creating more Mind-Beings. Any
Mind-Being can think a thought and then, if it wishes, seem to project
that thought ‘outside’ its own Mind. Let me insist, however, that this projection,
or apparent externalization of the thought, is not actually outside the Mind-Field of the Mind-Being who thinks it.
An example of this thought projection with which we are all familiar occurs when
we dream at night in a sleeping state. We think, in the dream, we are in an
external environment moving our bodies around and interacting with other people,
objects and situations, but the whole
dream scenario is all in our minds
which seem to project it outwards into
an ongoing ‘holographic’ illusion.
Only when we wake up do we realize the dream was a fantasy all of which took place in
our mind. Similarly, one day (when we rid ourselves of all ego) we will ‘wake
up’ into our original Mind-Being consciousness, and become aware that this
entire universe and all that happens in it is merely a mutual holographic dream
taking place in our less-than-Mind-Being ego-states.”
I am jumping ahead into a discussion of the present
physical universe and human dreams before I have explained how the universe and
we humans got here. So, if we all understand what holographic dream projection
is, and that it never leaves the mind
that dreams it, I will summarize how we and our physical universe got here. All
brief summary please, Gordon,” pleaded Cloesha, “because my Divine
Mind-as-such is seizing up.”
burst out laughing. “Cloesha, only your ego-mind can seize up! All right,
folks, here it is——the universe in a nutshell, step by step. Alicia, you
check off the steps for me one at a time.”
let’s have step one,” obliged Alicia.
we wanted to do our own thing, and for God to give us special consideration; to
run our own show apart from his direct
Presence. Perfection was not enough.
Besides we were discovering we could conceive of geometric forms, project them,
manifest them, manipulate them with our Minds-as-such and play with them in a
variety of ways.”
interrupted again. “But didn’t you say that your God-as-Mind did not
know of form. Geometric forms require knowing about both space-time and
pure mathematics. Does this God know
form or does He not?”
do I have such smart friends?” asked
Gordon, his eyes closed.
keep you honest, Gordon-baby,” answered Sean in a broad American accent.
I would have you know, Sean, has the intrinsic Mind-ability to know of form and has the
potential to know all about form and could, if He so wished, manifest any or
all forms, but He has no need or wish to
do so, because he is Perfect and Complete without any form or forms; therefore the knowledge of form and
mathematics is only (what we might call) ‘latent potential’ in Him. In other
words, it is there in Him and can be
understood abstractly, but He
has no use for it. To put it another way, God does not activate these abstract ideas because he has no need
to. In fact, He has no needs at all. However, because His Mind-Beings also
have all God’s ‘latent potentials’ and abilities in their own,
identical-to-His, piece of His Mind, they can not only conceive of mathematics and forms, but also actively manifest
them as ‘objects’ within their own
Minds-as-such, if they so wish. All egoless
Mind-as-such is without limits of any
two!” announced Alicia before anyone else could speak.
still within the Mind of God, these independence-seeking Mind-Beings
‘objectively’ manipulated geometric forms, mostly three-dimensional, until
they became bored. Temporary preoccupations always
become boring sooner or later. So gradually, they conceived of the idea of
manifesting ‘objectively’ an encompassing playground or theater, one within
which they could act out their (constantly changing) games and activities
involving 3-D forms. This first group of Mind-Beings had always known that they
could join their Minds together in a specific, partial way which enabled them to
share experiences in a common
Mind-Field without losing their individuated, Mind-Being Identities. Therefore,
they would be able to manifest and project their overall playground or theater within
this common Mind-Field. So the first group (let us call them the ‘First
Group’) could continuously manifest a common
Mind-Field, within which they could continuously
manifest a shared playground or theater, within
which they would be able to act, play and have fun.”
was quick to see a flaw in Gordon’s reasoning. “How could the First Group,
as individual Minds, get inside something which that same set of individual
Minds was also busy projecting?”
yes, you are right, Joan. In order to become players or actors within their own
joint Mind-projected playground/theater it was necessary for each member of the
First Group to encapsulate a piece of
own Mind as a player/actor and limit
its identity to that secondary role.
And so the secondary, limited minimind
was ‘born.’ Humans all know how
limited miniminds can be, so I have no need to define them further.” He paused
to draw a breath which Alicia took as her cue.
opened his eyes a little wider. “Why do I get the impression I am being
hurried along? We still have a quarter of an hour to go. Okay, Step Three
occurred when the First Group wanted to make both the projected
playground/theater, and the projected ‘objects’ in
it, more malleable and mutable as well as more ‘solid’ in their own right.
Yet at the same time both the playground/theater and its mutable objects would
always be completely subservient to
the Minds-as-such of the First Group, their descendants, or any other
Mind-Beings who might join them. In the beginning this was also true of the miniminds
which were to become the players and actors who would manipulate all of this
‘stuff’ from the inside.”
did the First Group make this
playground/theater more objectively solid?” asked Sean in a genuinely
interested voice. “I presume this playground/theater is this universe we
humans now live in.”
only this one but any universe any
Mind-Beings live in, have lived in, or will live in. So, thanks to you, Sean, I
will hereafter call the playground/theater our ‘universe’. In order to make
it ‘objectively solid’ the First Group next created what we will call ‘Living
Spirals’ out of pieces of their own Minds-as-such. These Living Spirals
had all the powers of God, including
identical self-replication. They voluntarily agreed,
however, that in the proposed universe
they would not only be infinitesimally tiny, but also form
themselves into any kind of
multi-dimensional space, form, energy, radiation or matter on any level in any
Now-instant that was thought by any
Mind-as-such Being Living in the Mind-of-God in that Now-instant. Thus, these
Mind-as-such Living Spirals which had (and have) existence only within
the Mind of any ‘given’ Mind-Being will instantly
form themselves holographically into anything
that Mind-Being thinks or imagines in any Now-moment and it all
takes place in that Being’s own Mind-Field——and never
outside it——and that is the Grand
Unified Theory, Sean.”
a Now-moment,” countered Sean. “It seems to me a succession of Now-moments became ‘time’ within which these Living Spirals (which I would call ‘strings’)
operate. So, they do not form time-as-such
but they do, you say, form both space
and energy/matter. Therefore time-as-such
is outside your Grand Unified Theory
and so it is neither ‘grand’ nor ‘unified’.
the contrary, Sean. You confuse the ‘arrow of time’ scientists and others
call past, present and future with the Now-instant. Let me explain this
‘time’ business more clearly. What you scientists would call
‘time-as-such’ is always defined in terms of (a) events,
and (b) ‘time-linear’ cause and effect.
One event causes another to happen and
the second event is an effect of the first. Einstein saw time was a time-flow
variable, in that time could speed-up, slow-down, or even stop but never go
backwards from future to past, except just maybe
through a wormhole in very special and very doubtful
circumstances. Let’s call this cause-to-effect physicist’s time
‘arrow-time’ and say that in it the Now-instants always flow, from past events through
present events and into future events.
But first, Sean, are we agreed that without
physical events and space there would
be nothing, and so arrow-time
would be meaningless?”
for ‘Now’ I will go along with
that——please continue, old chum.”
mate,” Gordon bantered in his best Australian accent. “And shall we call the
succession of Now-instants which occurs in pure Mind-as-such ‘Now-time’?”
with me. ‘Now-time’ it is.”
Then here is the key statement. In Now-time
there is only ‘NEXT’! In terms of
the NEXT Now-moment a Mind-Being can
project and/or manifest any image, form, state, ‘object’, situation or
thought it wills to. Or, as an
alternative, that Mind-Being may will
to experience a void of nothing in the
NEXT Now-instant. In terms of all
projected/manifested, holographic experiences, the Living Spirals will instantly
form any event any Mind-Being wills
to happen NEXT and this NEXT
event can occur in the arrow-time past, the arrow-time present, the arrow-time
future or arrow-time stop in any
designated circumstances, on any level of illusion from the physical to the
spiritual. Thus NEXT means that in the
NEXT Now-moment a Mind-Being in full
conscious possession of all its
God-given attributes could will to be
in 4,000 BC, in 3,000 AD, or any other arrow-time, instantly. Arrow-time could flow
backwards like a movie-in-reverse if such a Mind-Being willed
it so as a succession of ‘separate’ NEXTS.
If such a Mind-Being willed to be in
the Andromeda Galaxy NEXT, he would be
there NEXT. If he willed to be
with God NEXT he would be ‘there,’
NEXT! The Living Spirals, however, would suspend all their
projection/manifestation, holographic activity in the God-Presence simply
because they would be un-necessary. An example of a NEXT arrow-time stop would
be in the center of a black hole where Einstein states all time stops!”
Sean could speak Tel jumped in. “Gordon, I understand NEXT in ‘Now-time’ but you have only spoken of individual
Mind-Beings. How is it that we have a common
universe which we all seem to perceive together, at least as human beings?”
reasons for that commonality, Tel. The first is a common Mind-Field which is
telepathically shared and the second
is to be found in the concept of collusion.
But let me hasten to add at this point that, at the unlimited Mind-as-such Being level, NEXT is also unlimited in
that THE NEXT NOW can BE any where,
any time, any idea, any thing, any situation or any combination. With that
proviso out of the way let us return to a consideration as to how NEXT
‘occurs’ in a Living Spiral holographic physical universe existing in
Mind-Beings and operated by their own miniminds
which, in turn, share Mind-Fields and
which are in a variety of complex collusions. And when I discuss miniminds in this context please realize I do not mean
ego-minds——we have not yet manufactured ego-minds,
not at this stage of universe-building.”
turned to nod at Alicia who promptly announced, “Step four.”
a common Mind-Field has already been discussed and the entire universe, (which
incidentally Elohm says is gravitationally ‘closed,’) exists in a shared
Mind-Field of Mind-Beings. Originally there were very few Mind-Beings, but by
now, billions of earth-years later, the total number of Mind-Beings, including
their created Mindkins,” here he smiled at Alicia, “is
uncountable——it’s zillions. With respect to collusion,
we in our minimind state (and later our ego-mind state) have colluded
in, (a) our shared, imagined
separation from God our Creator, and (b) our certain (but actually false) belief that the entire
universe-as-form, including our bodies and our ego-mind identities, are
real. To state all that briefly, we are in collusion
in our (false) beliefs that the physical universe, our bodies, and our egos are real.
We humans (but not necessarily other Mindkins in the universe) have also
colluded in making all our mutual NEXTS
‘fall’ in the direction of arrow-time from
past, through the present, to
the future. In other words, we have agreed
time-as-such can not run backwards or
jump us sideways into some other NEXT,
but only proceed to the NEXT-moment in
the future. Many celestial Mindkins are not
bound by our rule of arrow-time. Sean, you may wish to rename NEXT-‘time’
as QUANTUM-TIME because whatever the observer wishes to observe
NEXT, the Living Spirals ‘leap’ to assemble (as atoms,
molecules, etc.) as that wished observation/object(s)
in holographic form in the next quantum
NOW-instant. So, you see, Time-as-such is really a succession of discrete NOW-instants
each of which is a QUANTUM of
time. And while we are on this topic I will only add that memories are not of
the past because, in a sense, to egos, no such ‘thing’ as ‘past-time’
exists. What we miniminds and ego-minds think
of as ‘past’ is merely our residual, distorted impressions of
NOW-instants stored in current psychological memory for regurgitation (recall)
in the current NOW-instant. Even if, and when, we literally re-live remembered
events, we do so in the current
NOW-instant to which we decided to go NEXT.
Of course, many unimportant everyday occurrences are consigned to oblivion. As
an analogy we can explain this by saying our memories of the so-called
‘past’ are still only in storage
NOW, just as every input action on the computer becomes recorded NOW, and is there only
NOW on the hard disk for recall access NOW.
When the ‘past event’ is recalled to the monitor screen it is recalled from
the NOW hard disk NOW. It is only
there NOW to be recalled as a record from off the hard disk NOW. It never
ever was in ‘the past’, which cannot exist.”
back to cause and effect in terms of your QUANTUM-TIME,
Gordon,” requested Sean quietly. He was genuinely intrigued by this new
concept of quantum-time.
and effect are an illusion of arrow-time. There is only this momentary event in the NOW-instant and another momentary event in the NEXT-instant.
The QUANTUM-instant is really the
instant it took to get from the
NOW-instant (event) to the NEXT
instant (event) and it is all dependent on the
mind of the observer and his or
Ringly’s face brightened. She said, “Gordon, haven’t you just explained
how miracles occur, and sudden healings, too?”
got it, Mary! When an Avatar like Jesus, the Buddha, or today, Sathya Sai Baba,
causes a miracle to occur (and here I use the word ‘cause’ correctly) they will
as a ‘divine’ wish that the NEXT-event
in the NEXT-instant be a healed body
or a manifested fish, a loaf of bread, water to wine, a ring, a photograph or a
suspension of gravity. At the Causal Level or Domain the wish of the Mind-Being operating down into the Mutable and Physical
Domains is paramount and simply happens. Almost all ‘advanced’ Mindkins or
Mind-Beings in any universe, who are not
separated from the Causal Domain (as we humans are), move their space vehicles
and Starships by causal WILLPOWER
which we would do better to call ‘WISHPOWER’.
Their vehicles are alive, as sentient incorporations of Living Spirals overseen by a Corporamind
Hierarchy which is designed to teleport from NOW to NEXT in a
QUANTUM-instant in accordance with the wishes
of its Mind-Being commander or controller. These Living Ships know their universe exactly in all
its dimensions and levels (just as photons do). This universe of ours is all
about Mind, not matter. Strictly
speaking, there is no such thing as matter——only Mind and the Mind-energy
called Living Spirals.”
Senator interrupted. “Gordon, the fifteen minutes is more than up. Let’s
keep any more steps for next week, shall we? It’s fascinating stuff but I
can’t take any more input tonight. Let me add though that I am fully aware the
President, and many government agencies, and our armed forces know that not only
do ETs exist but that they already
have treaties worked out with our
government and actually have bases
right here on our planet including the U.S. Note, as well, that I will deny, under oath, I ever said any of this to you tonight.”
Rob. You only confirm what has been published in lots of books with considerable
documentation. Now let us have our meditation in the Land of Light and merge
into the Silence of Mind-as-such NEXT.”
the meditation as everyone was leaving the apartment Elizabeth asked quite
loudly, “Gordon, where do get all this from?”
A genderless pronoun in this Mind-Being context.
Loving Oneness Now -- Copyright © 2007 Alexander Bannatyne, PhD